Beer, Babes, and Sports

BREAKING NEWS: Big Tweleven set to announce divisional line-ups tonight

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: Announcers, NCAAF, OSU Football, Top 25 | 1 Comment »


I don’t know why they don’t use my term…Tweleven.

  • Rumors about Big Ten alignment has reached fever pitch, and apparnetly they’re ready to announce who will be where…
  • My thought is that Penn State joins Ohio State in one division while Meatchicken is shipped to another…
  • Conference set to ruin perhaps the best rivalry in all of sports by moving the Buckeyes and Wolverweenies to seperate divisions, keeping them from playing at seasons end.

by Mike Zimmer, Buckeye

Rumors have been swirling, and apparently today the Big Ten will announce ther alignment of teams into divisions when Nebraska joins the conference next season (http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=ap-bigten-divisions).

The scuttlebutt has been all about the Ohio State-Meatchicken rivalry and how the league intends to deal with keeping the tradition of the two schools meeting alive.  As is, they’ve met in their final game every year since 1943 and it’s been a tradition that has come full circle into the greatest rivalry game in all of sports.  However, with the divisional alignments, more than likely separating the two teams, it wil then cause the league to move that game in an effort from ever having the two teams play two weeks in a row for the Big Ten crown.  Which, to me, sucks ass.

As it is, my thought is that Meatchicken will move to the “West” Divison with Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska and Northwestern.  Meanwhile, Ohio State, Penn State, Michigan State, Illinois, Indiana and Purdue would fill out the other “East” Division.  Which to me, makes no sense what-so-ever in a league that is tradition rich and could do sooooo much better. Read the rest of this entry »


Babes: Is she still Fergilicious?

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: Babes | No Comments »


Fergie…but licious???

  • Is Butterfaced Fergie losing her…uhFergiliciousness???
  • New pics of Black Eyes Pea doesn’t exactly make me want to see her London Bridge come down…
  • What the hell is Slash doing there???

by Mike Zimmer, Celine Dion Anyone?

New pictures of Fergie show her doing her normal thing of showing off her primo body and trying desperately to hide her bu-bu-bu-butterface.  But in them, I’m starting to question if perhaps her time has come and not even her hot body are even worth looking at.

There are all sorts of examples to view and you can see them here via the link (http://idolator.com/5611031/fergie-slash-sunset-strip-music-festival/93269_celebrity_paradise-com_fergie_sunset_14_122_452lo)  Or just hit the jump to see the rest of the pics which also feature Slash of Guns and Roses fame.  What the hell he’s doing there is absolutely beyond me.  Since when does he slum with techno-pop bands with butter faced women singing back-up??? Read the rest of this entry »


Calling Bullshit on yet another Men’s Health article (while also agreeing with most of it).

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: Internet Monkey | No Comments »


Walter is not impressed with this article either.

  • Men’s Health has another article worthy of ridicule by a man-child like myself…
  • Then again, while strongly disagreeing with 3-points, the rest of this list should just be fucking common knowledge for not just normal guys but D-bags everywhere…
  • I need a job making lists.

by Mike Zimmer, Bullshit Artist

I’m not a subscriber to Men’s Health.  Hell, I’m not even healthy.  I typically hear about articles of theirs via the intergooglewebnets of when someone forwards me something about awesome food…in which the magazine then says to avoid (like one article about a grilled cheese sandwich featuring cheese sticks which I will now post a picture of).


Mmmmmm Cheeeeeeeeese!!!  Avoid this?  Never.

Their latest list came to my via Facebook where a friend of mine posted it.  As a matter of course, I have to call Bull Shit on a few points in the article, which is about 10-things guys shouldn’t have (http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/things_grown_men_should_never_have/index.php).

But in strongly disagreeing with #5, #12 and #17 on the list, the rest of the list is pretty no-non-sense if you aren’t a douche bag.  SEE THE LIST AND MY DISAGREEMENT AFTER THE JUMP Read the rest of this entry »


CFB: When did college football team photos go gay (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)???

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: NCAAF | No Comments »


Uh, huh, “Iron Dukes”.  Who knew Durham had gay bars???

  • There are a lot of ways to bolster your teams image, including print media, but this isn’t exactly reaching your regular demographics for college football is it???
  • The new epidemic is sweaty, greasy, buff football players who look a little…well…gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

by Hootie McBoob

There are ways to make your team look tough.  Heck, anybody without some tradition wears some sort of black jersey motif now and again in their repertoire or they’ll have a certain color “Out” at home games or some shit.  And, then there’s the image re-launch with ad campaigns making the team look or sound fierce.  But “Fierce” in that…kind of…you know…eccentric way?  Not so much.

But it looks as if some teams are going another route, and perhaps also courting new fans in the process.  I call it “gaying up” their team photos (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  And the Wall Street Journal agrees (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703369704575461644217303282.html?mod=WSJ_hpp_sections_lifestyle). Read the rest of this entry »


NFL: Shampoo company insures Palamalu’s hair for $1-million bucks, knees, well, not so much.

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: NFL | No Comments »


“They insured my locks for how much?”

  • Head and Shoulders makes sure their spokesperson is protected from any more tugs from the likes of Larry Johnson…
  • Of course, hair is one thing, knees are another for the Stillers run stuffing, ball hawking defensive back…
  • Chicks really dig this guy?  OK.

by Mike Zimmer, Falcons fan

I’ve heard that Steelers DB Troy Palamalu is now insured for a million bucks even if his money maker is ripped up.  His knees?  No.  His hair?  Yes (http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Troy-Polamalu-s-long-locks-insured-for-1-millio?urn=nfl-266239).

Proctor & Gamble’s Head and Shoulders brand has made sure that Palamalu is taken care of if he were to have his trademark long hair ripped out at the root during his football play and he were unable to perform…you know…in their commercials.  They’ve figured out that he can sell some smelly dandruff shampoo or something and that’s worth protecting.

That and well, chicks apparently dig this dude.  Far be it from me to judge, but hell, I can’t figure out women (which might be why I have none and no prospects there of).  They need to make sure to keep him all pretty and those women buying their ugly men at home the smelly flake causing dandruff shit.  But as for Palamalu’s knees?  Well, not so much.  Football is a dangerous game after all and he did get his knee crushed last year…in game one and was ineffective all year.  So, at least he’ll have his hair money.


CFB: Penn State’s Nittany Lion might have a drinking problem

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: NCAAF | No Comments »


Call a cab dude.  Oh, wait…Happy Valley has no cabs.

  • PSU’s Nittany Lion Mascot has a penchant for drunken disorderly and driving while under the influence…
  • Finally a Penn State story in which Joe Pa isn’t the center of attention for either pooping his pants or not remembering where he’s at.

by Mike Zimmer, Buckeye

Far be it from me to condemn the one-eyed driver amongst us for an occasional jaunt, but this looks like a pattern over there in State College.  The PSU Nittany Lion being cited for drunken disorderly atop other previous chargers concerning alcohol might be a problem (http://deadspin.com/5626729/the-nittany-lion-has-a-drinking-problem).

Yep, that ol’ Nittany Lion likes to party and then like most other Penn State students has no concept of those around him and makes poor decisions (http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2010/08/31/nittany_lion_mascot_cited.aspx).

The good news for all of you State Penn folks though is that this story isn’t about Joe Pa pooping his pants or anything like that.  Nope, not him drooling on the game plan, falling asleep at a press conference or talking about stories that make no sense about his days coaching for Moses back in the biblical days of college football.  Nope, Joe Pa is fine for today.  For today.


Todays VIDEO Moment of Zen: Merengue Dog

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: Today's Moment of Zen | No Comments »


Is that Sarah Jessica Parker???


CFB: BYU going Independent afterall, bolts Mountain West, bolts to West Coast Conference in basketball

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: NCAAF, Top 25 | No Comments »


BYU takes a shit on the Mountain West.

  • BYU is set to leave the Mountain West after all, bolts to Independent status in football, basketball joins smaller WCC…
  • University takes big risk striking out on their own, shits on the Mountain West in the process as God TV wins over conference…
  • Good luck filling out your dance card you non-oral sex having Cougar freaks.

by Mike Zimmer, Loves Lutheran Jesus

According to their website and reports all over the intergooglewebnets, the Brigham Young Cougars are set to jump ship from the Mountain West Conference, going Independent in football and to the smaller West Coast Conference in basketball (http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=ap-byu-independent).

After originally rumored to be re-thinking their bailing out on the Mountain West when the league cut them off at the WAC pass by adding Nevada and Fresno State, BYU will leave the league and go it alone in football and smaller in basketball.  The move is widely rumored to be tied to the universities want to make BYU-TV, which is full of Mormon programming to be the satellite blow torch for their football games and convert the masses to their plate worshipping, multiple wive having, non-oral sex having, caffeine free lifestyle.

What?  They were tired of going to the Las Vegas Bowl???  Imagine that.  To be honest, I think this is a big dump on the Mountain West and for their football program may cause them to take a major step back and they’ll have a hard time filling out their schedule with many home games.  They think they’re Notre Dame and trust me, they’re no Notre Dame.  Teams aren’t going to bend over backwards to go to Provo, Utah so that their football team can be seen right after an episode of ’Mormon Wife Swap’.  I mean, have you seen those women?  Read the rest of this entry »


MLB: Aroldis Chapman just blew away the Brewers 1-2-3, hitting 102mph on the gun in the process

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: Cincinnati Reds, MLB | No Comments »


The Cuban Missle.

  • Chapman’s debut with the Cincinnati Reds was absolutely impressive after he hit 102-mph on the radar gun…
  • A scoreless 1-2-3-inning including a blow-the-man-down strike-out was a nice way to see this kid’s career begin…
  • Is this a final piece in a World Series challenging team???
  • Reds now 7-clear of Cardinals in NL Central. 

by Mike Zimmer, Braves fan

Over shadowed tonight by the big news of Aroldis Chapman’s arrival to the Major Leagues is the fact that Cincinnati Reds beat the Milwaukee Brewers rather easily tonight.  But the news is all about the fire-balling ‘Cuban Missle’ that is Aroldis Chapman.  All he did was walk out onto the mound in the 8th inning at Great America Ball Park and uncork nasty stuff including a 102-mph fastball on his way to a scoreless debut inning (http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/slideshow/photo//100901/483/urn_publicid_ap_org18dcc2194f8a467b9daedee248ad09d3/)

Chapman’s box score included a K and a pair of of weak ground-outs.  The first batter, Milwaukee’s Catcher couldn’t catch up to the heater and waved at the pitch that topped the gun in the triple digits.  The next two batters had meek swings at the cheese that slow hopped to Short and Second base.

My question is, does the addition to Chapman to the bully add one more piece to the puzzle that is putting together a World Series team?

More of an issue, is it too early to break out to a 7-games lead over the St. Louis Cardinals???  Hmmmm…ponder nation, ponder.


Chris “Meatchicken Fucker/Fumbling Princess” Perry can’t even cut it in the UFL, cut by Sacramento team named after trees

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | Author: Zim | Filed under: Cincinnati Bengals | No Comments »

 
Perry seen here whilst part of the Bungles being tackled by the official.

  • Former bust Chris “The fumbling princess” Perry can’t even cut it in the UFL, released by a team formerly named after trees…
  • Yet another look at the horrible career and awful choice of the Bungles of that Meatchicken Bastard…
  • Steven Fucking Jackson!!!  We could have had Steven Fucking Jackson but Mikey Boy Brown picked Perry!!!

by Mike Zimmer, Falcons fan

God, it still chaps my ass.  The Bungles were on the clock and had the chance to pick Oregon State’s Steven Jackson, quite arguably one of the more dependable and productive running backs in the league the last 6-seasons.  But oh, no, they had to go and trade that pick and drop down, all so they could pick that little fucking prick from Meatchicken, Chris “Fumbling Princess” Perry.

Perry flamed out in short order in the NFL while Jackson has managed to be awesome even on horrible St. Louis teams.  Perry?  Well, he got bounced after only 600-yards total during 3-seasons, resurfacing last season in the fledgling UFL.  But now, he’s not even cut out to make it in that league.  Perry was cut today by the team that was called the ‘Redwoods’ last year out in Sacramento (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/08/31/rock-bottom-for-chris-perry-too/).

That’s right, Perry can’t cut it in the UFL but Mo Clarett, a guy who hasn’t played a down of football in like 3-seasons can.  Fucking Chris Perry!  And the Bungles could have had Steven Fucking Jackson!!!  Fuck you Mikey Boy Brown.