• Fucking Rapelisburgher let off the hook by 2-games after Goodell goes soft, bows to Rooney family, NFL needs Stillers not to suck to help out ratings…
• With Leftwich down, the Stillers will get ol’ Rapey Ben back sooner than later and keep Pissburgh in the hunt hopefully…
• Fuck this, bring on the season and that knuckle-headed fool!!!

by Mike Zimmer, Falcons fan

Jebus Crisp!!!  The NFL today reduced the suspension of the Pissburgh Stillers QB Ben Rapelisburgher.  Of course they did!!! (http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Commissioner-reduces-Roethlisberger-s-suspension?urn=nfl-267268).

Why shouldn’t they?  After all, the NFL sucks the Stillers dicks, especially when it comes to the Rooney family and for the sake of ratings.  After hearing that Stillers back-up plan Byron Leftwich tweaked an ankle last night and the team not sold on Dennis Dixon as a real plan at back-up, the prospect of the Stillers having 92-year old Charlie Batch under center and the Steelers struggling for 6-weeks was too unbearable to take for the NFL (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/09/03/report-leftwich-out-2-4-weeks/).

So, the NFL caved and gave Rapey Ben a reduction of his suspension for “good behavior”.  Mostly, because well, he hasn’t raped anyone in like what?  Three or four weeks???  And, after all, he’s shown all sorts of “maturity” in actually NOTbeing a complete douche bag this summer (for what we know).  Naturally, the Stillers brass is very happy about this, and why not?  They can survive, say a (1-3) start and Rapey Ben coming to the rescue (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/09/03/rooney-applauds-roethlisbergers-growth-maturity/).

Fuck you Rapey Ben.  Fuck you NFL.  Yeah, I said it.

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• The BIG news out of Cleveburgh?  A new player signing that might make everyone forget about LeDouche?  Uh, no…not exactly…
• This isn’t exactly what it’s going to take to make fans forget about King Douche now is it???
• Sure, sure, this will be the look that is remembered as a possible 70-loss team…but is that something to crow about???

by Mike Zimmer, Style Council

I don’t like the NBA, let’s get that out of the way right here and now, most of you know that.  I do however collect jerseys and love them, even basketball jerseys, though I don’t have many.  While not an NBA fan, nor a Cavs fan, I was given a Lebron James jersey for Christmas by the former in-laws many, many moons ago too.  No, Really!  Needless to say, that one was packed away long ago.  Am I going to replace the Cavs jersey, especially now that the team has “redesigned” a “new” look for the post-LeDouche era?  Hells No.

I’ve found the Cavs look confusing the last few years since LeDouche came to Cleveburgh.  He liked to show off many different looks and the team seemed to cow tow to him and the club tried on all sorts of retro duds, alternate looks and whatever LeDouche wanted.  Hell, they even broke out Orange “Mark Price” version get-ups from time to time last year.  It was a bit of overkill to be honest.  I mean, the team had a blue road look, and that really wasn’t part of their re-discovery of the “wine and gold” theme they introduced for LeDouche.  Now, well, they’ve gone simple and plain, boring and…well…loserish.  Just like they’ll be without LeDouche (http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news;_ylt=Ag2FUJPrponFJp9D2jof.HyLvLYF?slug=ap-cavaliers-newuniforms).

To be honest, this is mis-timed too.  I mean, if this were news about the Cavs signing any player you’ve ever heard about…ever…to a contract or perhaps pulling off a trade or something, well, that might pull the attention of the folks still burning LeDouche James in effigy for about a minute and a half.  But, no, just jerseys.  The club wants it’s bitter, unemployed, scorned and disenfranchised fans to shell out $75 for new jersey’s with player names like Abcdefg on them.  I mean, who is that Swedish player anyways? 

Utah Jazz also change to a new “retro” look and it’s sweet

By the way, I am aware of the fact that there is no player by the name of Abcdefg.

I’m just pretty sure that a “new” look will be something to make all those LeDouche haters forget or remotely happy.  Nor do I think it’s prudent to advertise a look that will be synonymous for your team losing 70-games in a season which everyone knows they will.

Now, if you really want to make a splash, you could sign some players, have a team worth cheering about and THEN make a new look public, kind of like how the Utah Jazz have.  How about the Jazz going all retro with the old-fashioned musical-note looking thingy like those of the 80′s and before???

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• Scottish brewer has come up with ‘The End of History’ when it comes to brewing beer, 110-proof concoction comes in fancy animal carcass dispensors…
• Checking in at $762 bucks, it better be the greatest freakin’ thing on the planet and come packaged inside an endangered Lemur…
• I wonder if Boston’s will have this stuff available anytime soon???

by Mike Zimmer, Beer aficionado

Scottish beer maker Brewdog (http://www.brewdog.com/about.php) has ended their run of trying to make the most exotic and the most high alcohol content beers in the world.  They think they have done that with ‘The End of History’ and apocalyptic brew mad at 55% alcohol or 110-proof.  Oh but wait, there’s more!!!

The beer will come neatly packaged in roadkill…er…your local taxidermists finest.  That’s right, the beer will be featured in bottles jammed into the mouths of real animals like rabbits, squirrels and badgers (http://www.ajc.com/business/worlds-strongest-beer-is-576413.html?cxntlid=cmg_cntnt_rss).  And yes, of course PETA, and all the whackos are all upset at this which I think makes it even that better.

The Belgian style ale will pack a punch, made with nettles, juniper berries and other enhancing flavors, at that high an alcoholic volume, you’ll be as stiff as the dead rodent you just poured the beer from.  My question is, will we all be able to sample this bit of awesomeness at Boston’s Bistro anytime soon?  Hmmmm? 

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• Billy Ray’s daughter is still assaulting us with her flesh and we have to post the legal stuff against our better judgement…
• Put some clothes on jail bait!!!

by Hootie McBoob, Smut Peddler

For the love of God Miley Montana or Hanna Cyrus or whatever her name is, is going to get us all in trouble here at the World Wide Leader in Smut, Sports and Brown Party Liquors.  Are you serious with this Billy Ray?  Put some clothes on your daughter man!!!

The folks of Egotastic.com have chronicled this in much more detail, so go there if you want to get your pedophile on (http://www.egotastic.com/entertainment/celebrities/miley-cyrus/sunday-sermon-the-miley-cyrus-boobs-and-butt-tour-revisited-video-005785).

Damn it Miley you little Chipmunk looking illegal!!!  Turn 18 already!!!

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• Annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest on Coney Island turns into circus when Kobayashi is arrested for charging the stage where he wasn’t allowed to eat…
• They should turn this into the most disgusting TV show in the world if they haven’t already…
• Just imagine it, you could learn the politics and ugly side to competitive eating…see lots of barfing and crapping…kind of like watching any other “reality” show.

by Hootie McBoob, Sick

Thinking about grown people stuffing enough food in their mouths in a matter of minutes that most people in Africa eat in a few months is one thing that can turn your stomach.  In my case, it may be all the alcohol I’ve consumed over the past 96-hours in which my body is turning into poison.  The thought of people gorging on hot dogs doused in water and then barfed up moments later is just about too much today.  But I digress.

Some of these people take this shit seriously I guess.  So the story goes that some bunch of freaks started a competitive league of eating and made all of their major stars sign contracts to participate.  Well, one of the legends of the “game” Kobayahsi, the man they call ‘The Tsunami’ who has won the annual 4th of July Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest a bunch, didn’t sign because he wanted to enter other contests elsewhere not sanctioned by that body.  Hence, he was not allowed to compete this year.  It then caused him to go freak show and storm the stage only to be arrested (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_hot_dog_contest)

I smell (almost literally) a publicity stunt here.  One that could easily be turned into the world’s most stomach churning ‘Reality’ TV show in the world.

Move over ‘Fear Factor’, this new show could be the grossest around.  And Kobayashi one of it’s villains or heros of some sort.  After all, who wouldn’t want to see this little freak of nature eat until his esophagus literally explodes or the after math of the competition where he blows chunks all over the place?  Or what his distended bowls must be like when he is “at rest”.

But the absurdity of the whole Kobayashi charging the stage and then being arrested is like the world’s dumbest thing ever.  The whole thing is.  I almost never pay any attention to the actual contest, I don’t want to see the nastinessthat it is, but it is apart of Americana and people watch and revere these freaks.  Why?  Well, we like crap.

Anyways, just a thought.

Now, back to healing my liver so I can then go out and destroy it all over again next weekend.  Just call me Prometheus.

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• After 3-days and a 138-point tie-breaker, American tennis player finally pulls off win at Wimbledon…
• Hey Britain and all you chaps at the Tennis club, have you ever heard of this thing call lights or perhaps a more simple tie-breaker???  More proof the England has to be…so English…
• Why can I be OK with Tennis and not soccer???  Oh, that’s right, it’s not boring.

by Mike Zimmer, McEnroe fan

It’s over!  It only took 3-days, but it’s over:(http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/37877953/ns/sports-tennis/).  American John Isner finally won the marathon match today after 138-points of tie-breaking. 

This despite England and those chaps at Wimbledon haven’t heard of something called lights nor have they managed to catch the hell up and Isner’s opponent bitched and complained that he couldn’t see.  See, I told you England was a pain in the ass.  Why?  Well, because they can be.  From no lights, to having to deal with Euros to well, 3-day tennis matches.  It’s very English for the sake of being English.

At least it’s better than soccer.  No, really.  I’d rather watch these guys play for a month than claim that USA soccer is the most exciting thing since Hostess came out with the fucking ho-ho.  I lived there people, I watched soccer, hell I went to games.  I came back to the good ol’ USA jaded and pining for AMERICAN sports.  You know what, I got it too.  Brew and I braved 90-degree heat to watch the Reds lose 2-0 in extra-innings.  That’s right, no score for 9-innings AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!  Suck it world.

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• According to NASA and other sources, the sun is basically going to fry all the computers and communications devices due to solar flares and magnetic blah…blah…blah…in other words we’re all screwed and going to die as a result of it…
• On the upside, we won’t have to worry about President Palin’s term in office, the effect of all the artificial sweetners we consume nor the outcome of ‘So you think you can dance: Season whatever’…
• I blame Obama (sorry Mike), and wonder what it will be like not to be able to see everyone NOT commenting about my articles on here.

by Mike Zimmer, Blarg

The hastening of the Zombie Apocalypse my Dad and I have been predicting just got upped a notch.  According to scientist including those at NASA, apparently the Sun is going to fart, belch and blow us shit real bad in 2013 causing all sorts of unknown hellish problems here on Earf including magnetic disturbances (http://www.asylum.com/2010/06/15/end-of-the-world-in-2013-says-nasa/)/

There are numerous upsides to this though.  First off, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to live through the Sarah Palin administration nor another 4-years of this Obamunist hell.  That’s right, we’re fucked in that arena one way or another.  Then there’s that whole worrying about the fact that I drink enough diet soda to kill lab rats.  My doctor informed me that pop has things like formaldehyde in it and stuff and all sorts of food additives are slowly killing us.  Mostly though, we’ll not have to be hanging on the edge of our seats waiting to see which homosexual, gang member or artsy-fartsy moron wins ‘So you think you can dance’.

My question is, why isn’t Obama doing something about this?  I mean, first he can’t do anything but promise to sue the hell out of BP to fix the greatest environmental disaster on the planet but now he can’t stop the sun from fucking us?  Of course, he won’t want to do that until he finds a way to tax the sun.

Of course this all could be sweet release right?  After all, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to live hand to mouth, kill zombies and my neighbors for trying to come over to my house to eat my brains or stock-piled food.  More, I’m really thinking that not wondering about who is or who isn’t reading the crap I write here leaves a comment.

That’s right…it’s time for RANDOM ACCUSATIONS!!!

Captain Crunch was never actually promoted to the rank of Captain because of a drinking problem in the Cereal Navy and actually has no teeth and is unable to eat the product he endorses.

Most Scientologists including Tom Cruise drink their own urine.  Xenu told them to.

Spain doesn’t actually exist.

Myspace is neither mine, nor you space…in fact there is no space at all.

Cincinnati Bengals owner Mike Brown eats infant brains for breakfast every morning.  He takes them into Denny’s with him and sprinkles them on his Grand Slam.

The state of California will soon issue Chloe Kardashian her own area and zip code.

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• With Coach John Wooden having passed away over the weekend, here is a belated tribute to the man who was perhaps simply one of the most inspired and cherished figures in sports and America…
• Coach Wooden’s pyramid of success is enough to help and inspire anyone to reach their fullest potential in life…
• Rest In Peace Mr. Wooden.

by Mike Zimmer, rejuvenated.

If you listen to the entire 17-minutes of video posted above, you will see just a short little bit of the wonder that was John Wooden.  However, it will stick with you, it will inspire you and it will put you in awe of a man that didn’t just preach or spout words, quotes and thoughts, but a man that truly believed every word that was coming out of his mouth.  And, that it was coming from a man that had lived nearly a century surly must inspire you even further.

Coach John Wooden was a winner, he was a legend, but more so, I think the fact that he was a gentle man, a good human, a man of faith and didn’t just talk the talk, but walked the walk…and for a VERY long time, made him one of our most cherished souls.  Not just sports figures, but as Americans.

There have been all sorts of accolades and tributes to Mr. Wooden over the weekend but nothing speaks as loudly and as remarkably clearly than his own words in the video above.  However, there are plenty of great tributes to see

Including a great article via CFT.com which had a link to it (http://collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/06/04/coach-john-wooden-1911-2000/)

The voice of God even weighed in.  Vin Scully, the voice of the Los Angeles Dodgers and in my opinion the voice of God had this to say about Mr. Wooden upon hearing about his dear friends’ death during the Dodgers game Friday…

It wasn’t the first time that Scully spoke so eloquently about the Wizard of Westwood.  He had this to say about his Southern California neighbor a few years back…

Since my introduction to Coach Wooden for more than him just being the best coach of his era of the best team of the century in UCLA during the 1950′s, 60′s and 70′s, I’ve been in awe of him.

My favorite teacher of all time Mr. Tom Rettig was a big believer in Coach Wooden’s principles as a coach and a teacher.  He let me borrow one of Coach Wooden’s books once upon a time when I was a student of his in Sophomore English class.  Rettig, then the girls high school girls basketball coach was a source of so much positive education and influence during my days in school.  He quoted Wooden from time to time in his class, and though he was not fully representative of Coach Wooden in practice and though I never was a player for him (as he was after all the girls basketball coach), I am sure there were plenty of times that Coach Wooden’s teachings came to bare.

With Mr. Rettig offering me Coach Wooden’s book, I was then able to read about the Pyramid of Success.  And to be honest, in this rough period in my life, this toughest of tough times for me personally, I’m pretty sure I could stand to re-visit those words in print.  After all, the words in the video nearly brought me to tears and ring as true today as they would at any other point in time in my life.  Corny, yes, but truly, it’s hit me pretty squarely in the heart today.

Rest in Peace Coach Wooden.

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• ‘Golden Girl’ Blanche passes away after another stroke at age 76…
• Thank you for being a friend, Rue.

http://tv.yahoo.com/blog/golden-girl-rue-mcclanahan-dies–1299

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• May it be Lima Time in heaven, as colorful pitcher passes away of a heart attack at age 37…
• Former 20-game winner and All-Star was a real character and one of the good guys in the game during his time despite being firey competitor that wasn’t always liked on the field…
• Lima gone too soon, let the speculation commence on how and why. 

by Mike Zimmer, Zimmy time

It is now officially Lima Time in Heaven.  Jose Lima has died of an apparent heart attack in Southern California.  The colorful and entertaining Master of the Mound passed away too soon and now will have to entertain the Gods with his pitching antics.

Jose Lima a 1999 All-Star and 20-game winner who was also a staple on ‘The Jim Rome Show’ was a fan favorite and fun to watch.  During his time on Rome’s radio show Lima was always honest, funny and willing to have a good time even when he wasn’t doing his greatest.  When he was, he promised Rome his 20-game winning ball and delivered.

I liked Lima.  Despite his antics and more style over substance sometimes, he was a guy that had to re-invent himself over and over, mostly by transforming from a fire-baller to a junk-baller with heart and then from style to style.

Rest in Peace Lima Time.  You will be missed.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AsfGomdkW9wobVirAY98E5k5nYcB?slug=ap-obit-lima

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