CBB: The Basketball Nexus, Evan Turner be thy name

Do you hear the music too?  Oh, yeah…there it is…ahhhhh yeah.  I still prefer Evan Almighty though for a nickname there Mr. Maneo. (artwork by JW)

• The Basketball Nexus…explained…
• Ohio State breezes into the Sweet 16, riding the coat tails of the Super Man of Buckeye Nation…downs Georgia Tech…leaps tall buildings with a single bound…
• Evan Turner, according to JW is in elite company.

by Invictus Maneo
art by JW
edited by Mike Zimmer 

Relentless pursuer, physical rebounder, eagle eye court vision, blazing speed and footwork.  You could be confused if you thought a Superhero was being described but you know we’re talking Evan Almighty here.  On top of these attributes, he plays well with others and is one damn fine citizen.

Evan Turner may be the finest college basketball player out there, but don’t discount the fact that Turner is this years’ Basketball Nexus.  Each new basketball season produces what is called the “Basketball Nexus.”  Consider it like a “Vergence in the Force” from the worst Star Wars movie ever.  The Basketball Nexus is, again poorly paraphrased, centered around one individual.  There are many players who are skilled and raise to the top of their ranks, but there is always one ends up standing out like dog turd on a white Beemer’s hood.  Evan Turner is that stinky nugget, er Nexus.

The Nexus does not develop based solely on personal skill of the player it envelopes, though Turner’s is storied.  It helps to have a truly gifted player, as that is the primary ingredient but not the only.  Other ingredients can include a cohesive starting unit that plays to each other’s strengths, a coach who supports your every decision on the court, and meeting opposing teams at the “right time,” and good old fashioned Chinese Luck (as in “if we don’t have it, we will manufacture it”). Read the rest of this entry »

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JW: Buckeye cagers Center to enter Swatters Anonymous and Diebler doubter’s shame spiral

Dallas Lauderdale doing his best Durga, the Hindu diety impression during the Buckeyes destruction of UCSB in the first round.

• Dallas Lauderdale and the Buckeyes roll into the Second Round today with some momentum and some “tactical swat”…
• Invictus Maneo espouses about Mr. Multi-City and Mr. Double 3…
• Diebler not just breaking Buckeye, Big Ten marks, but getting to un-sung legend territory for his propensity for the Trey.

by Invictus Maneo
edited by Mike Zimmer

SWATTER’S ANONYMOUS

There are many out there in Buckeye Fan Geekdom, myself included, who have bemoaned at times the way Dallas Lauderdale phones in his game.  I think Dallas is a talented guy who is showing growth, but being a Buckeye Fan means expecting (quite unrealistically of course) bigger, BETTER, NOW! 

It has been nice to see Lauderdale find some dominance during the Big Ten Tournament run as well as Ohio State’s first round game against the UC Santa Barbara Gauchos. Lauderdale may have only scored four points, but his 8 (!) blocks and 12 rebounds were dominant.  Much as King Kong atop the Empire State, Blocktopus altered the trajectory of every shot let loose within 10 feet of the basket.  Against the Gauchos Count Blockula and Jon Diebler were the primary reasons that the Bucks were able to grow a lead despite an off night by Evan Almighty.

Excelsior Dallas Lauderdale!

DIEBLER CLAIMS ALL TIME 3 SHOOTING TITLE Read the rest of this entry »

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The Scarlett Letter: Invictus Maneo has spoken

Is it just me…… or were Thad Matta and Gargamel from the Smurfs separated at birth? (And yes, Papa Smurf has been writing up the plays with Brainy’s help.  Isn’t that Smurfy?)

by John W. Hoyt
edit by Mike Zimmer
photo by Invictus Maneo

FUCKING ROCKS:           

1.)  “Direct From Brooklyn”
Video compilation of They Might Be Giants.  Fuck, if you can make better videos  for $5,000 then do so lazy ass!

2.)  The return of “Burn Notice” on USA Network
If you haven’t caught this show about a spy shut out by the Guv with nothing to his name but vengeance then you should go back to your hand cream and keep cruising “those” websites.

3.)  “Cat’s Cradle” by Kurt Vonnegut
Simply one of the greatest books ever written about the end of the world.  The Calypso Singing Prophet of God is just Icing on the cake.  Busy!  Busy!  Busy!

FUCKING SUCKS:

1.)  “Desperate Housewives”
Put these ancient hags out to pasture (or out of their misery, please).

2.)  West Side of Columbus, Ohio Drivers and snow
Add snow, and the worst drivers in the state and you really get to sucking.  Whether driving for miles with their turn signals on, merging onto the freeways at 5 m.p.h., or blocking and stopping traffic because they missed their turn West Siders really justify the road rage they so dearly love.

3.)  Anything by the Black Eyed Peas
You may think I’m wrong, but down deep you know I’m really not.  Five years from now you will be just as ashamed of that music in your collection as I am to admit that I have the first album by No Doubt in mine. (Editors Note: I still like No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdome and still loves me some Gwen Stefani.  What?)

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CBB: Sybil’s Revenge via Evan Almighty

Evan Almighty and the Buckeyes pulled off a big upset in West Lafayette, beating #6 Purdon’t 70-66 last night.

• Sybil and her many personna show up in big win on the Big T(elev)en schedule for Ohio State…
• We’ve never had hoops covered so well…perhaps ever…but thanks to JW, we now offer that too!!!
• JW even offers up some imagining of some fashion statement/necessity for one Buckeye.

by John W. Hoyt
edited by Mike Zimmer
photos by Invictus Maneo

We’re still seeking confirmation about which one of Sybil’s 23 personalities showed up last night on Gene Keady Court in West Lafayette, IN.  Whether it was Linda, the sketchy flower girl with the perchance for buggery or Lucy, that crazy bitch that just won’t stop gauging your eyes out we may never know, but in the end all that mattered was Ohio State came away with a 70-66 win over #6 Purdon’t. 

The Ohio State Buckeyes survived a career night from the BoilerFakers Robbie Hummel (11/19 for 35 points, 10 rebs, and 8/13 from 3 point land).  For most of the first half the Bucks (Jon Diebler) just could not get a handle on the 6’8 Purdon’t junior.  While the Bucks kept it close for the first 10 minutes of the game, Hummel let loose and at one point had 1 Jillion points in a row. 

Ohio State could not buy a 3 pointer (as evidenced by Dieblers 6 points for the night on 37 minutes played) during that 1st half and ended up scoring only 29 points to Purduckey’s 41.  The Buckeye Zone defense, though at times tough for the Boiler’s to handle, was ripped to shreds by the Hummel run to close the half. Read the rest of this entry »

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JW: Sybil State…er…Ohio State Hoopsters unpredictable bunch

Evan Turner returned early from a serious back injury and re-energized the Buckeyes to a win over Indiana Wednesday night.

• Invictus Maneo returns for some serious Buckeye cagers talk…
• Talk about them Bucks…they’ve had a tough run of late including opening the conference season (0-2) out of the gate and struggling on the road…
• Now the Big T(elev)en may have a regular Sybil on their hands.

by John W. Hoyt (aka Invictus Maneo)
edited by Mike Zimmer

Sybil State Wins!

The Big Ten’s very own Sybil, that’s the Ohio State Buckeyes.  Watching the Buckeyes play basketball is true excitement, like dares involving hand guns or wormholes over Norway.  One night Evan Turner is blistering the nets for 40 minutes with his amplifier cranked up to 11 and the next the Muppets are doing an ensemble piece with a very coked up Robin Williams.  One never knows what to expect.

Well, Sybil Ohio State may be, but with Evan Turner’s valiant return last night to the hardwood in Value City Arena (worst arena name EVER!) the Bucks brought their personality with game.  It may have been a sloppy, foul riddled match but it ended with a 79 – 54 victory over the Indiana Whoosiers.  Led by John Diebler’s 21 points (5 of 8 from 3 point land and 3 steals) the Buckeyes jumped out to a comfortable lead early.  With Turner back in the game (even briefly) everyone seemed to get open and contribute.  Driving the basket and kicking it out, taking it to the hole, these Buckeyes especially enjoyed success on the fast break.

The Buckeyes were unbelievably paced in the first half by the ever pesky P.J. Hill (Charlie Hustle) with 9 points.  In the middle of the first half Ohio State went on a 21 to 2  run on the Whoosiers.  William Buford was the beneficiary of many of the fast breaks’ final passes and finished the game with 16 points, 6 rebounds and 3 assists.  “We had some decent intensity on both ends of the floor to start the game,” Coach Thad Matta said after all was said and done. Read the rest of this entry »

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Wednesday’s Child by John W. Hoyt

Urban Meyer at the 1983 U.S. Olympic trials.

Alienating people, places and things one Wednesday at a time…

This week: A favorite Gator and a former Wolverweenie.

by John W. Hoyt
edited by Mike Zimmer
art by Invictous Maneo

WEDNESDAY’S CHILD:  Urban Meyer, Head Coach of the Florida Gators

REASONS TO LOVE THE GUY – Born July 10, 1964 in Ashtabula, OH Urban Meyer went on to be drafted in the 13^th round of the 1982 MLB draft by the Atlanta Braves.  He went on to play 2 years of Minor league ball before returning to Ohio State University to attain his master’s degree.  He played Defensive Back for the University of Cincinnati Bearcats.  Coaching stops include St. Xavier High School in Cincinnati, Assistant Coach for Notre Dame for 5 years, Head Coach for Bowling Green University, Head Coach at Utah, and finally Head Coach at Florida.  He was named National Coach of the Year twice.  He has been married since 1986 and has 3 children with his wife.

REASONS TO LOATH THE GUY – He may have 3 children with his wife, but he also has 9 children with 7 other women as well as 4 with his two long term boyfriends.  Named after Pope Urban VII, the Pope with the shortest recorded reign, he is also renowned for taking too short of a time at other things (better get the Kleenex).  He was a member of Delta Gamma sorority, and lettered on the balance beam for the gymnastics squad.  He loves Huey Lewis & the News (What’s wrong with Huey Lewis & The News???~~editor) and has seen them perform live over 300 times.  NASA has proposed funding for 1.3 Billion dollar mapping satellite to capture all of the features of the throbbing vein on his forehead.  He was known until the last 4 years for always having a oversized, stylized and italicized letter “U” over his left breast much like Laverne had that big L on her sweaters on TV Classic Laverne & Shirley.  He violated Boo Boo Kitty (hey now, this isn’t supposed to be cream filled!!) (That’s just wrong!~~ editor).

FORMER MICHIGAN PLAYER YOU MUST HATE IN THE NFL THIS WEEK

Brian Griese is currently a quarterback on the Tampa Bay Buccoes.  A journeyman starter in the NFL, Brian had a storied career stepping in for Michigan and leading them to 3 straight victories over Ohio State (’95, ’96, ’97).  He was (17-5) as the Wolverines starter.

He was selected in the 3^rd round of the 1998 draft by the Denver Broncos where he rode the bench until John Elway retired.  As the starter in 2000 he earned Pro Bowl honors.  (He then kept “tripping over his dog” in his driveway at 3am and hence disappointing Coach Kevlar~~editor)  He was traded to Miami in June 2003 and released in February of 2004.  He signed with Tampa Bay where he promptly tore his ACL during the 2005 season.  After that he bounced around the league to the Bears (3/21/06), then back to Tampa Bay (3/03/08).  He started game 2 this season for the Buccaneers and brought them to a (4-2) record before suffering an “arm injury” (while amassing a 64.6 Quarterback rating).  He was replaced by another journeyman Jeff Garcia who had a strong performance last week. 

Despite being the silver spoon fed son of a former NFL all Pro, Mr. Griese has not been able to translate said talent on the field.  He is known for being prone to basic injury, as well as sub par arm strength and many (many, many, many) interceptions.  For being that guy who folds when the pressure starts, and quitting when the game isn’t going his way he has earned our scorn.  No one likes a quitter, son.

Best of luck to you Mr. Brian Griese, because we all hate you.

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Monday Musings from John W. Hoyt

” Yeah, I score touchdowns quickly in the Big House on Saturdays. Yeah. Definately score touchdowns.”

Keeping tabs on the Meeeeshigan recruiting “effort”…

Why does everybody have to go hatin’ on Buckeye Nation???

And a couple of professional footballers that deserve your scorn.

by John W. Hoyt
edited by Mike Zimmer
artwork by Invictus Maneo|

THAT TEAM UP NORTH RECRUITING REPORT
Good ‘Ole RichRod is doing a fine job of recruiting in his new digs up in Ann Arbor (who is a whore you know~~editor).  After narrowly missing out on landing the services of Terrell Pryor by a country mile last year, he is putting together a class that should finish in the top 100 of the nation this year.

 Of the Top Ten recruits in the state of Michigan for 2009 as rated by Rivals.com, seven have committed to Mark Dantonio at Michigan State (#2, #3, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10), one to Ohio State (#4), and two are undecided in #1 overall ranked William Campbell (DT, Detroit Cass Tech) and #5 Cameron Gordon (WR, Inkster).

Currently LSU leads for Campbell’s services, leading most Wolverine fans to wonder where the next crop of talent will come from for the coming year.  Questions, Emails, and phone calls to RichRod went unanswered as he was on a recruiting trip to Saskatchewan.

Of the 18 total recruits that Michigan has lined up for 2009, only 3 come from the state of Ohio (none were offered a scholarship to Ohio State).  None of them are 5 star rated, and one player who’s last name is Beaver has the first name Shavodrick.  That’s right folks; Shaved Dick Beaver is going to whip those Buckeyes.

WE GET IT, YOU HATE US.  MOVE ON JERKBAGS.

Yes folks it’s true.  Oh, I know many of you have whimpered softly to yourself as you try to sleep, hide your face behind newspapers when visiting Florida, or simply changed your name and moved to a foreign land, isn’t that right Mr. Editor?  Or shall I say, Mrs. Linda Schwartz? (The identity of the editor while in this God foresaken country is Mr. St.John-Smythe who is a habadasherer~~editor) 

People hate Buckeyes.  You may or may not have noticed, but for some reason (losing the big games, being plastered all over the pictocube) there is a back lash against folks in the fair Buckeye Nation.

We have gotten used to multiple page spreads in Sports Illustrated proclaiming our suckitude.  Poll after poll on ESPN.com and Foxsports.com show how America in general is just sick and tired of sparkly silver helmets.  Many wonder what the hell a Sloopy even is (it’s an Ugly Chick from the wrong side of the tracks, alright?) Addition: (I thought Sloopy was just a girl who had casual morals who’s Daddy may or may not have been muscle for the powerful Tiberi Family~~editor).  But now our dreaded enemies at MSN.com have put together Top Ten Lists for the best and worst College Team Mascots and guess who made the list?  Guess which list? (See more in previously posted story~~editor)

Adam “Pac-Man” Jones with his new posse.  Don’t Eff with Spanky or you likely to get got.

OVERPAID IDIOT NFL REPORT

1. Adam “Pacman” Jones – It appears that a 17 month visit to Suspensionland has not taught the Dallas Cowboys defensive back anything.  Despite claiming to have learned his lesson(s), Mr. Jones (who wishes to be someone just a little funkier than Bob Dylan) has found himself afoul of NFL rules on personal conduct.  After starting a fight with his own bodyguard in the men’s room of a hotel, Mr. Jones seemed flabbergasted and awed that he may have incurred more trouble for himself and his team.  Over-payed, self indulged, self important money and space wasters such as Adam Jones can never understand how they pissed their whole life away.  Just give him 5 more years, 2 extended stays in prison, an empty bank account, no friends, and a shot on the 7^th season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew before he figures that one out. 
2. Dan “Duh” Orlovsky – Last week when the Lions played the Vikings (which is why you don’t know about it as even their Head Coaches did not watch the game) rookie quarterback for the Lions Dan Orlovsky found himself in a pinch for some room.  On 3^rd and 10 from his own 1 yard line he started the play, rolled out, ran for dear life, and ran strait out of the back of the end zone for a safety.  When asked if he realized what he had done after the game, Mr. Orlovsky stated that he thought the play had been blown dead for an off sides foul before looking down and realizing that he was standing out of bounds.  They teach them up real good at UCONN.  Me fail English?  That’s un-possible! (Editors Note: Orlovsky was raised from an infant as the adopted son of Russian fur traders in Canada, thus he grew up thinking that the endzone was 20-yards long like in the CFL.  Yet another magical personel move by the recently relieved Matt Millen of the Detroit Leo’s)

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Daily Photoshop from Mr. Invictus Maneo

And we thought his name was Charlie Tuna!  Oh, and isn’t the face supposed to be coming out of the Cow’s butt?

As yet un-used masterpieces finally being revealed…

John W. Hoyt’s expertise not limited to impressive hate of that filthy hoard from that state up north…

Oh, Charlie Weis still isn’t sure that the call was right at the end of that Notre Shame/UNC game.

by Mike Zimmer,
Photoshop Masterpiece by John W. Hoyt

I had a quandary: I was getting submissions, many of which I had no idea what to do with.  Officially a monster was created and he keeps signing off with the Latin, Invictus Maneo or, “I remain unconquered”.  So many submissions for posting purposes that the author and artist was wondering if he was sending too much.

The answer as you can plainly see is no.

But what to do with some of the fantastic art?  Well, I am still saving a few that’s for sure.  Their uses will be innumerable in the future, but for now, I had no official purpose to post them.

Well, now I do.  Taking the lead (and frankly just ripping off) from what they have over at www.profootballtalk.comwhere they have occasional art work of their own from a guy by the name of Taco Bill, I offer you our own artist, Mr. Invictus Maneo.

Yet, I still feel compelled to have a purpose to the art.  So…with so many great items to choose from when it concerns Charlies Weis, I needed to point out that “The Genius” coach of Notre Shame is still finding it hard to believe the officials got it right at the end of their game this past weekend against North Carolina.

“The Genius” is still unsure after 50-viewings of the replay (and 50 Wendy’s singles with cheese and 21 frosty malts) that the correct call was made.  Good God, let it go Genius!

Even if the officials had ruled the silly way it looked as if they were going too, the clock ran out on the Irish when Jimmy “I come from a now forming line of homosexual tendency having Notre Dame Quarterbacks (not that there’s anything wrong with that mind you)” Claussen spiked the ball and time expired.

But I digress.  Look at the picture!  Look at the silly picture! Has your head exploded yet?

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