Big B and Zim’s Stone Cold, Lead Pipe, Take it to the Bank bets we would win if Brew wasn’t an absolutely horrible bookie

Get it?  Brew doesn’t.

• Our bookie has let us down, but that’s not stopping Big B and I from making bold predictions about games we could have made mad cash on…
• Making notes about playing the point spreads on the first college football Saturday of the season…
• Stone Cold!!!

by Mike Zimmer, Degenerate Gambler

It’s a crying shame, but that’s the way the world works.  Brew is the world’s worst bookie and while he’d bend over backwards for his BFF room mate and actually fly all the way to Las Vegas to make a wager for him, he was unable to place a 4-game parlay for Big B and I on his established off-shore account.

Thus, our Stone Cold, Lead Pipe, Take the money to the Bank wager will be all about pride in the fact that we “done good”.  After much study, plenty of consideration and a little gut feeling Big B and I constructed the perfect 4-game parlay for this first big Saturday in college football.  If you can still make it to a bookies, tell them to take this one to the bank!!! 

San Jose State at Alabama (-37  1/2).  Take Alabama to cover.

LSU vs. North Carolina (+10).  Blood bath for the SEC team, take LSU to cover.

UConn at Meatchicken (-3).  Are you kidding me?  Take those points, UConn wins.

Rice at Texas (-31).  We were tempted to take the over of 56 on this one with Texas alone.  Take the Longhorns to cover and then some.  For bonus to prove our awesomeness, throw in that OVER.  Why not?

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CFB: The inaugural 2010 PICK SIX!!! (Live from Flori-duh)

Tebow’s gone, but they remain very…well…Gaytorish.

• You didn’t think I’d forget about the PICK SIX did you???
• Your guide to the best college football match-ups of the week and picking against the spread…
• If only Brew was still taking bets!!!

by Mike Zimmer, College Football Guru

What looked like a rather mundane first week of college football from a distance, reveals some rather good looking match-ups and entertaining games.  Upon arriving and plotting our viewing schedule here at the Florida Garage-Mahal Bunker HQ for the first week of college football, there is a plethora of games to watch and enjoy. 

Big B and I have plotted out a course that includes an entire sheet of the games to view for the entire day.  That includes 7-games between Noon and 3:30pm on the tube, 7-games between 3:30pm and 7pm, 9-games between 7pm and 10pm and 2-late night offerings.  That’s right, we’ll be keeping tabs on no less than 25-games here on 4-TV sets in the Cape Coral, Florida Bunker of Big B’s.

But the best of the day?  The Pick Six?  You knew I wouldn’t go and leave you without a guide to the best games available did you?  Hit the jump and see the best of the best and then some for this first official Saturday of the college football season!!!  DO IT!!! Read the rest of this entry »

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CFB: The rest of my college football previews (because I was a slack ass and ran out of time before the season and need to get it out there…but will still post brief articles about these conferences but it’s technically cheating if I don’t put something down prior to the season now isn’t it?)

Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhh-Hoooooooo!!! College football is BAAAAAACK!!!

• An official record of what I think will happen in each and every conference before the season starts…because as always, I’ve run out of time to post my predictions…
• So what, big whoop, you wanna fight about it???

by Mike Zimmer, College football expert

Alright fine, I’ve gotten behind on my college football previews and the season really kicks off today and I haven’t gotten through all the conferences.  From my previous posts though, no one seems to care that I’ve neglected my duty (he said duty) and has not yet posted any thoughts on said predictions so I’m pretty sure this is just me typing random words and not too many people bothering to note it.  Oh, yeah, I just went there, yeah, I’m crying waaaaaaaahhhh!!!!  Read my web-site waaaaaaaaahhhh!!!

Nah, I’m not crying but come on, no one has anything to say about my predictons?  Really?  I mean, not even a “stop talking about the Sun Belt and post the fucking Big Ten already!!!” was posted though.  In an effort to keep up my intentions of posting about every conference I offer you a brief prediction on each of the remaining conferences that I didn’t get to (I’ll of course make up for the fact that I didn’t fulfill my intentions by making independent brief articles about those conferences soon because I know you ALL want to read them right?).

So without further adu, hit the fucking jump and see who I have finishing where ass hole. Read the rest of this entry »

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Breaking News/NFL: Seabags to dump T.J. Houshmandzadeh, could the hardest working man in football be back in Bengal stripes soon???

• Amazingly the Seattle Seabags are set to either trade or dump T.J. Houshmadzadeh, eating a big portion of his salary in the process…
• Could it be, could it really happen that the hardest working man in football could possibly be on the radar of the Bungles, bringing him back to the ‘Nati???
• If Ocho Stinko has anything to do with it, he’ll be lobbying for Housh to come back and join the party–helping the passing game.

by Mike Zimmer, Falcons fan

Is it possible?  Could the Bungles right a wrong and get the hardest working man in football back in Cincinnati, un-doing one of the worst decisions in franchise history?  Apparently, T.J., under-used, mis-used and not able to get on track in Seattle, could amazingly be cut by the Seabags as Pete Carroll re-tools the team into a younger, much worse off franchise than he’s inheriting. The team is seriously trying to either trade Houshmandzadeh or will release him by Labor day when rosters must be down to 53 (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/09/03/tj-houshmandzadeh-wont-be-back-with-the-seahawks/)

In the process, the team will be eating a good portion of his salary one way or another, something that you’d think would be to Mikey Boy Brown’s fucking liking, getting a bargain no matter the consequence it might have on the locker room.  While Houshmandzadeh is a guy who is un-apologetically in your face, out-spoken and intense, he is still one of the best receivers in the league.  You don’t go from catching 113-passes and being a staple of the Bungles once vaunted passing game and then suddenly lose the ability to play.

For what it’s worth, the Bungles resident diva and multi-media wunderkind, Ocho Stinko will be lobbying hard for the team to re-sign T.J. (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/09/03/ochocinco-will-be-lobbying-heavy-for-houshmandzadeh/) after they allowed him to walk away in free agency and didn’t receive any compensation for him by NOT franchising him and instead keeping horrible kicker Shane Graham as their “franchise” player in 2008.

If the Bungles have any God damned sense in the world, they’ll snatch up Houshmandzadeh and re-right a wrong that has wrecked their passing game.  In Housh’s absence, the team has never been able to find the right combination of possession receiver, chain mover and secret weapon that T.J. always was.  Do the right fucking thing Mikey Boy Brown, sign T.J.!!!

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/09/03/ochocinco-will-be-lobbying-heavy-for-houshmandzadeh/

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NFL: Of course Rapelisburgher got his suspension reduced, Leftwich injured, NFL loves Rooney family…who’d a thunk it?

Big Ben Rapelisburgher gets off for “good behavior”.  What?  Because he didn’t rape anyone this month???

• Fucking Rapelisburgher let off the hook by 2-games after Goodell goes soft, bows to Rooney family, NFL needs Stillers not to suck to help out ratings…
• With Leftwich down, the Stillers will get ol’ Rapey Ben back sooner than later and keep Pissburgh in the hunt hopefully…
• Fuck this, bring on the season and that knuckle-headed fool!!!

by Mike Zimmer, Falcons fan

Jebus Crisp!!!  The NFL today reduced the suspension of the Pissburgh Stillers QB Ben Rapelisburgher.  Of course they did!!! (http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Commissioner-reduces-Roethlisberger-s-suspension?urn=nfl-267268).

Why shouldn’t they?  After all, the NFL sucks the Stillers dicks, especially when it comes to the Rooney family and for the sake of ratings.  After hearing that Stillers back-up plan Byron Leftwich tweaked an ankle last night and the team not sold on Dennis Dixon as a real plan at back-up, the prospect of the Stillers having 92-year old Charlie Batch under center and the Steelers struggling for 6-weeks was too unbearable to take for the NFL (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/09/03/report-leftwich-out-2-4-weeks/).

So, the NFL caved and gave Rapey Ben a reduction of his suspension for “good behavior”.  Mostly, because well, he hasn’t raped anyone in like what?  Three or four weeks???  And, after all, he’s shown all sorts of “maturity” in actually NOTbeing a complete douche bag this summer (for what we know).  Naturally, the Stillers brass is very happy about this, and why not?  They can survive, say a (1-3) start and Rapey Ben coming to the rescue (http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/09/03/rooney-applauds-roethlisbergers-growth-maturity/).

Fuck you Rapey Ben.  Fuck you NFL.  Yeah, I said it.

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CFB: Big Tweleven alignment of divisions announced, Buckeyes, Wolverweenies separated, THE game to be preserved in last week of season (for now)

“You mean we now have to beat them twice a year?”

• Ohio State and Meatchicken head for different divisions in the Big Tweleven’s alignment, but tradition will rule, teams to meet in last week of the regular season…
• So, in other words, in about a decade when Meatchicken is worth a damn again and the damage done by Dick Rod is finally un-done, there is a chance the two teams could meet twice in a season…
• There is basically no rhyme or reason for the football alignment of divisions, this begs the question of whether other sports will be different (such as basketball where Michigan State looks to have an easy romp every year).

by Mike Zimmer, Buckeye

With all the speculation, all the hemming and hawing over, the debates hushed and the dust settling from the Big Tweleven’s decision to align their teams into divisions with the addition of Nebraska to the conference, it doesn’t sound so bad after all.  Except that it is.

Still, this stinks, no matter what.  The thought of not having Ohio State-Meatchicken in the final week of the season was repugnant.  The thought of the two separated and possibly meeting up twice in a year also stinks.  I’m sorry, but as a Buckeyes, I don’t think you should have to beat Meatchicken twice in a season in football under and circumstances.  But now, the potential exists and that sucks.

Worse, the divisions don’t make much sense with Ohio State, Penn State, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois and Purdue in one division while Meatchicken, Minnesota, Northwestern, Michigan State, Iowa and new member Nebraska go to the other (http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=ap-bigten-divisions). Read the rest of this entry »

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Todays Moment of Zen: I yearn for the past

Did they know we would all be perverts in the future and have this to love?

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CFB: Ohio State will once again wear “alternate” jerseys for the Meatchicken game, all part of Nike’s cash grab in merchandising before the holidays

Ohio State’s “throwback” Pro Combat Uni from Nike, to be worn during the Ohio State-Meatchicken game.

• Like last year, the Buckeyes will have a different look against the Meatchicken Wolverweenies as Nike melds “throwback” and “future” style in a holiday season cash grab…
• Last year’s model that paid homage to the 1954 National Champions was pretty sweet, this year’s version to honor the 1942 National Champions, well…it lacks a little something if you ask me…
• Yes, I will still need to have one of these, since my birthday has passed, you can order now and hold on to them til’ Christmas.

by Mike Zimmer, Selling jersey’s too, just ask.  No, really.

One more time, Nike will force some teams into hideous uniforms in big games.  Just check out the model that Virginia Tech will have to don.  But more importantly, THE Ohio State Buckeyes will also wear the Nike ProCombat series uniforms for a big game, in fact, the biggest game, against Meatchicken at seasons end.  Just like last year where the Buckeyes had a “throwback” style uniform that paid homage to the 1954 National Championship winning team, Ohio State will wear yet another uniform in the back to the future style (http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Nike-s-Pro-Combat-unis-are-awesome-and-or-a-mo?urn=ncaaf-266668).

Of course, I’m not as big a fan of this get-up as I was with last year’s model after getting a look at it.  The motif is in the 1942-retro style number and team colors which includes a red helmet shell but once again gets “Nike-ied” with all sorts of futuristic trim.  But trust me, they’re not as bad as some of the other horrible looking uniforms that will be worn by other Nike schools such as TCU, Miami of Florida and Pitt.  You can see all of them here (http://www.nike.com/nikeos/p/usnikefootball/en_US/).

While I’m not big on the idea or concept of THE Ohio State Buckeyes even messing with tradition and the tried and true awesomeness that is the regular Buckeyes uniform, these aren’t so bad considering some of the other schools involved and the propensity for schools to try different looks from time to time.  The Buckeyes have no need to do such a thing with perhaps one of the best looks in all of college football.  However, if it has to be made, I’m not so horrified by these duds just like last year.  While not a fan of it per-say, the fact is, I must have one.  Yes, I am a slave to Ohio State Buckeyes fashion.

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TV: Top Gear’s Stig revealed!!!

The Stig.

• Publisher ruins part of a great show on the BBC after they sue for the right to publish who ‘The Stig’ is…
• ‘Top Gear’ not sure if they will continue using The Stig as part of the show now after 2nd driver revealed…
• One of the biggest things I miss about England is regular viewing of the greatest show…in the world.

by Mike Zimmer, Speed Demon

Why do people have to ruin everything?  Sure, sure, the mysterious identity, the highly guarded secret about just exactly who The Stig is, is all part of the fun and finding out something is some kind of coup.  But to be honest, it’s good that the secret is still actually there, the mystery is in place.

But, some publisher in England has sued and gotten the right despite efforts of the BBC to block the story from coming out that the identity of The Stig is just some guy, a former minor league Formula One driver from England (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100901/ap_on_en_tv/eu_britain_top_gear).

So now, the show is a little less…well…fun in a way.  It was the world’s worst and least seriously kept secret and in very British style was kind of back-handed humor, juvenile but not over the top, kitsch if you will.  Unless you know the show and know the Brits, perhaps you wouldn’t be able to understand.  The show, honestly one of the things I miss most about England, is a riot but surely an acquired taste.  I do miss being able to watch the show twice a day in repeats like we do ‘The Simpsons’ here in the states.  It never grows old.  Check it out.  But know now, The Stig is no longer a secret.

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NFL: Bungles bounce well respected, tough, Jeanty, don’t give him much credit on the way out the door

• Rashad Jeanty gets quiet exit from Bungles Line-Backing corp…
• Regarded as being tough as nails, Jeanty mentored both Keith Rivers and Rey Maualuga…
• Fuck Mikey Boy Brown.

by Mike Zimmer, Falcons fan

Kind of lost in the shuffle during this training camp for the Cincinnati Bungles that has featured the debut of problem children Terrelle Owens and Pac Man Jones and then completely buried by the fact that the Bungles gave Antonio Bryant nearly $8-million bucks to practice with the team ONE time was a tough battle going on at Line Backer.

Lost too was the fact that the Bungles numbers game was probably going to see one of their big names take a significant role reduction or get bounced.  It wound up being Rashad Jeanty, a guy the Bungles pulled off the scrap head a few years back from the CFL and wound up finding a diamond in the rough.

Speaking of rough, Jeanty was just about as tough as they come, hitting hard, playing hurt and being a quiet, up-standing citizen and mentor to the Bungles young bucks on defense.  In particular, Jeanty took up the cause of helping shape Keith Rivers and Rey Maualuga while also being rather productive in 4-seasons with the team.  His reward this training camp while battling injuries and the numbers game?  An early release from the team that was kept rather quiet (http://www.whodeyrevolution.com/whodeyrevolution/2010/08/rashad-jeanty-this-one-actually-hurts.html) Read the rest of this entry »

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