Kegeratornation

Brew from the Son’s Of Anarchy, Rick of the No Talent Ass Clowns, Larry from the Italian Donkeys and Yours Truly of the Last Place UK Native Americans at the recent Owners Summit in the ‘Nati.

Four owners get together in the scout seats at Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati thanks to Aunt Sara (and Lar)…

Much is discussed including Pat’s silence being deafening, daily line-up changes, Brew gave away Todd Helton and that no one wants any of my crappy players pretty much at any bargain basement price…

And no discussion of any smoke or mirrors was had at all.

by Mike Zimmer, Giving all further positive coverage to the Italian Donkeys

Last Thursday (I know, I know, it’s been over a freakin’ week), there was a mini-summit at GABP of four IKBL owners.  Marty had secured Aunt Sara’s scout seats caddy corner to home plate for the meeting and had invited a few folks along for the adventure.  Not only was the comish invited though, he failed to return any calls to the upstart first place Donkeys owner at said invite.

However, four owners did attend the mini-summit to talk of all sorts of things about the International Kegerator Baseball League and to take in the Braves/Reds on a beautiful Thursday afternoon Business Men’s Special.

Despite the lingering rain that was at one time as big as the size of the state of Indiana on Donkuweather Doppler radar (Larry’s extreme cell phone), the game was only delayed a matter of minutes from the 12:35 start time.  Andonce the rain which was Hoosier State in size moved away, the day was a sparkling example of all that is right with June in Cincinnati.

The view from the Scout Seats for the IKBL owners summit thanks to Marty and Aunt Sara.

Despite the urge to collect money from willing folks that pulled up to us with cash in handat the parking lot we finally wound up in well north of GABP in downtown Cincinnati, we did eventually made the game well before first pitch.  Brew was already there, buriedin his two cell phones working remotely on some kind of project from his employer and trying to enjoy himself in the Reds undercover scout seat bar.  After beers and quickly establishing that we’d soon take advantage of the in-seat service we got right to the heart of the matter: I destroyed Pat in my last comment made on the IKBL site.

While I at first had thought that perhaps I’d gone over the line, stepped across some boundary andhad perhaps ruffled a few feathers, I was informed by the other owners present that there was absolutely nothing that could be said in return from Pat after he gloated that he beat me.  What ol’ Al Davis…er…Pat didn’t know was that he’d just pounded his chest after a win over the Bungles.  All in attendance decided that perhaps it was the king of all post ever in the history of the IKBL, something that I will proudly but quietly carry with me until I am properly laughing at something more hilarious.  I was chuckling a little when I wrote it (also because I was a bit buzzed) but I had no idea it had had such an effect.

 
Where’s Larry???  Mr. Red Legs even agrees when asked about next year having daily line-up changes.  He then blew his nose on my Braves jersey.

Speaking of Larry, his Italian Donkeys are struggling a bit now after having built up a first place lead.  They now only lead the league at (8-3) over NTAC, the Eng Sox, Dream Team and S of A all at (7-4).  Meanwhile the other end of the league swoons badly.

The Donkeys are still whipping most comers but there is some sign of trouble ahead.  Last week Larry was all smiles at his prospects with Brandon Webb and Edinson Volquezsoon to be coming back to help his ailing pitching staff.  However that hope was all but dashed this week with Webb more or less being completely shut down and expected to have surgery now while Volquez had a major set back in his rehab and has been shut down until at least after the All Star Break.

The Donkeys are clubbing people to death though as if the league were a bunch of baby seals.  And it only helps that the ailing Joey Votto and all his personal problems with depression and anxiety are now back in the line-up for the Reds and the Donkeys.  Votto is still 3rd on the Reds with RBI after missing more than a month and will soon join a line-up that has 6, count em 6 guys in double digit homers.  Including 54-year old Johnny Freakin’ Damon who has 14 HR and 41 RBI.  He also got Vlad back from the DL recently and there are signs that sooner or later Jay Bruce is going to help that batting average with something other than just hitting occasional homers (he has 17 with a .212 average). 

Of the talk about official league business, the one thing we were all down with was daily line-up changes andthe need for some kind of augmentation during the year.  While the comish casually ignores the issue because he’s not sure how to either spin it to his advantage or manage it from running a crappy owner like Pat out of the league because he doesn’t check his line-up but for once every 3-4-weeks (come on Pat, I know you read this!!!  It’s funny!!!  Laugh damn it!!!), the need for daily line-up changes is something that has arrived andmust be implemented.  The only real thing that would need managing is the vast problems it causes with the pitching rotation and starts.  This might reak havoc on the comish in dealing withthe waiver wire.  However, there should be a way that even if there is a daily line-up change it’s managed within the roster that you have for the week.  In other words, once you have locked in your players for that weeks’ line-up you could only change with who you had on your roster.  Couldn’t that be made to work?

Nate McClouth homers off the Reds Jim Maloney to pad their lead in an eventual 7-0 win for the Braves.

Not a word was mentioned to that No Talent Ass Clown and his smoke and mirrors show.  Mostly because he drove and he was sitting right next to me and I didn’t want him to be openly annoyed.  His team however was a topic of conversation though.  His team is a collective of solid contributors and curious sources of points and production.

Case in point, Ben Zobrist.  Zoby was a waiver wire guy mostly because he was always the Tampa Bay Rays 10th guy.  He was the uber utility and despite moments of power and production was Manager Joe Maddon’s ace in the hole.  However, Zobrist is playing every day now that Aki Iwamura went down with injury and he’s tearing it up in his absenceas an everyday player. Zoby  is hitting .289 with 15 Homers and 42 RBI for the Rays.  Rick and I thought so much of him at one point we wrote him in on our All-Star Ballots noting “because he is awesome”.

Zobristalong with names like some clunker named…Randy Johnson?  And Todd Helton?  Are not only contributing, they’re helping NTAC win.  Throw in San Diego’s HeathBell with 20-saves for a bad Padres squad and you have hidden jems that are doing yeoman work.  All this as NTAC have Rual Ibanez on the DL and are using a combination of Kendry Morales, Scott Podsednik, Denard Span and Scott Luke as their 2nd and 3rd OF’s with some regularity. 

More?  Russell Martin just did hit his first homer of the year recently and Evan Longoria is “struggling” of late at .308 16HR and 61RBI and he can’t give Orlando Hudson away for anything despite a 235-point effort to date.

“No, really, make me an offer, I’m open for business and want to finish ahead of Pat.”

What was firmly established was that no one there wanted any part of the players on my team.  This both befuddles and confuses me to some degree as I try anything to get my horrible UK Native Americans out of the basement and finish ahead of Pat.  It’s true, Marty’s Donkeys don’t really need anything that I’m selling even Closer Jonathan Pappelbon.  Of course that was before Fish closer Matt Lindstrom went down.

Rick isn’t needing anything and despite throwing me an offer for McCann for the O-Dog (Orlando Hudson) he’s not biting on any of my wretched bunch either.  Brew was interested for a while, but he insists that he was going to do fine with Ramon Hernandez at Catcher (who he dropped in favor of Yadier Molina???) instead of dealing me Cole Hammels for the Braves backstop.

Brew’s bunch needs something, that’s for sure.  His team is mostly bad news right now despite treading water and tied in that group for 2ndplace.  With only Matt Cain being a standout on his pitching staff with a (9-1) record and 335-points and Miguel Cabrera being particularly hot right now, his team is a curious bunch.  Sure, Dan Uggla is doing his normal job of hitting homers and knocking in guys (14-43) but he’s only batting .222 and has been getting worse. 

His pitching staff is a bunch of second tier guys like Trevor Cahill, Corey Feldman, Kenshin Kawakami and Some guy named Mazzaro.  The bad news is vast withboth Mets big bats Adrien Beltran andCarlos Delgado on the DL.  Meanwhile Jimmy Rollins is just hitting an astonishingly low .210 with 11HR and 38RBI and he’s using Ryan Ludwick regularly in his OF.  And we figured out it was Brew who gave away Todd Helton via waivers.

This all opens the door for the likes of Dream Team, Laverne and Curly and the Eng Sox the advantage it would seem.  However each of those teams has their own issues andswoons to deal with.

Dream Team aren’t going anywhere but there are signs he’s stagnated a little bit.  Sure, Youk is hitting .313 and has 12 HR’s but he’s scuffled of late and some other mashers aren’t exactly tearing it up.  Carlos Lee andMatt Holiday bothhave found their way on DT’s bench this week.  Lee isn’t bad nor Holiday but neither is distinguishing themselves either (Lee .299 12-43, Holiday .269 8-39).  And despite a break out season by Zach Duke in his rotation, the other hopeful aces aren’t doing much, case in point John Lackey and his (2-3) mark and 5.83 ERA.

The Eng Sox are desperate for pitching enough to corner the market on former Braves aces John Smoltz and Tim Hudson who won’t be off the DL until August.  Brad Lidge being a complete dog hasn’t helped either.  His offense isn’t struggling though, all that talk about Mark Texiera being a bomb in New York is gone isn’t it?  He’s ripping it up at .285 20HR and 57RBI.  And Stubby is getting offense from other sources including the Giants rookie Pablo Sandoval who San Fran have finally gotten to play regularly helping out at .334 8HR and35RBI.  He combined with Nelson Cruz and his 18HR and a bench glut of interchangeable parts including Andre Either (211 pts) and Mark Teahan (157 pts).

Laverne and Curly and Drinky meanwhile are in some serious struggling state right now.  Curly is (6-5) but there is trouble afoot.  Doc Halladay is hurt, fellow Blue Jay Scott Downs is…down, Daisuke has been put on the shelf and Man Ram is still suspended.  All the while Big Papi despite coming to life of late is still only hitting .218 and has only 7 bombs.  Oh andformer Cub Kerry Wood?  Really bad right now after blowing 3-saves over the weekend in losses by the Tribe to his former team and only has 9-saves for the year for the miserable Indians.  On top of that trouble?  Johan Santana is pitching his ass off for the most part and the Mets just can’t seem to get any runs for him.

Drinkslinger on the other hand has a good amount of his guns headed in the right direction but can’t get anything going either.  He’s still hampered by the fact that A-Ram is on the DL for the Cubs as is Scott Kazmir and Kelvim Escobar for the Rays and Angels.  Meanwhile Geo Soto has been HORRIBLE at .227 6-21 on the year and has admitted to blowing blunts over the spring (no worry, there is no suspension coming I’m guessing as this is the MLB).  Despite having Albert Pujolswho is crushing with 26 dingers and an amazing 70 RBI on the year thus far he just can’t seem to get a big lift from anyone else.  Sure, Matt Kemp is having a good year for a good Dodger ball club (.313 9-40 18SB) and Justin Upton has seemingly arrived (.322 14-45) but guys like Brandon Phillips and Corey Hart are just…so-so.  And that is what you could say about just about his entire pitching staff sans Tim Lincecum.

The Braves salvaged one game from the series for a 7-0 win.

At the other end of the standings Docs Vols, NC Necros, Team Cincy and The Army are all stalled at (4-7).  Doc’s Vols team is basically Ryan Howard (.253 20-55) and some tough luck pitchers (Javier Volquez5-6, 3.18 ERA and 117K in 99INP for example).  With JJ Hardy hitting only .218, Grady Sizemore often hurt and hitting .226 and Carlos Quentin on the DL it’s hard to see them getting well soon.

North Carolina has had some bright spots in the Padres Adrien Gonzalas and his .274 24HR and47RBI, Aaron Hill of the Jays hitting .306 with 16HR and 51RBI, the rest of his teams story is rather poor thus far.  C.B. Young has been disappointing again at .202 6HR and 18RBI, Magglio Ordonex has been benched after his 2HR 22RBI go for the Tiggers and Carlos Zambrano has been horrible for Carlos Zambrano at just 77INP and a (4-2) record for the stumbling Cubs.

Team Cincy is missing their Hammer, as Josh Hamilton will be out indefinitely and he can’t seem to get anyone other than Ryan Braun to hit for much (.310 15-50).  The good news is that Jose Valverde is back for him now in his bully and Travis Haffner is finally hitting for the Tribe.  His season in a nutshell???  Bronson Arroyo as bad as he’s been at times has this line for stats: (8-6) record, 100 hits allowed in 92INP and an ERA of 5.54.

And my team, all those players you don’t want?  Well take your pick here and tell me if they can’t help someone…

Jason Bay .281 19-69
VMart .323 12-53
Brian McCann .325 7-30
Carlos Pene .236 22-52
Jim Thome .241 12-38

Or a bully that has 36-saves.  Or Mark Buehrle who is (7-2) and has a 3.17ERA in 93INP.  All that has me a (3-8) record.

Anyhow…

A great time was had by all and the thank yous have to go out to Marty for snagging Aunt Sara’s tickets for us andproviding us with a great afternoon of fun.  It all ended up at a little place in Sycamore Township called Chicken on the run for some post-game food and beers and I’ll tell you what, I know why Cincinnati Bearcats Head Coach Brian Kelly recommends it.  

Jeff Bennett: not smart.

Braves bullpen pack mule breaks non-pitching hand by punching a door after relief appearance against the Yankers…

After putting the bone back in it’s place, pitched anyways before getting medical attention.

by Mike Zimmer, Braves Fan

Every team seems to have one guy on their pitching staff that is just the pack mule.  The guy that is filler, able to come in and take a beating or come into a spot when things are usually pretty bad or there aren’t many other options.  The team usually whips on him every other day for a few innings if they aren’t so good or they stick him in there when it’s 11-0 or it’s the 13th inning and there isn’t anyone left out in the bully. 

Jeff Bennett is the Braves mule. http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/players/22807/Jeff_Bennett/career  As seen by his career numbers, it isn’t distinguished in the least.

Like a donkey, he apparently isn’t all that bright either.  http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/pitcher-ignores-broken-bone-common-sense-24682

Bennett who I’m not a fan of in the least for the number of times that Bobby Cox inserts into games seemingly out of habit more than results has had a tough run of things lately.  This week has been particularly bad.  Included in that was his first pitch of the 10th inning on Sunday in which former Braves utility guy and farm hand Tyler Green hit a 150-foot homer off of him to win the game for the Red Sox.  It was a good pitch for Bennett (it was over the plate and fast) and Greene hit down the line at Fenway for the cheapest of walk-off homers in the history of walk-off homers (except anything hit at new Yankers stadium).

Then, Bennett wasn’t all that effective in relief against New York the other night and decided after getting out of the inning to punch the door of the club house with his bare left hand, breaking it.  Of course, Bennett popped the bone back in and went back out there for the 7th inning to give up a homer to Nick Swisher before revealing to the training staff what he’d done.

Bennett went on the DL and mercifully won’t be able to pitch for some time for the Braves.  In his career, Bennett is (8-17) in 168 appearances including 215INP.  He has 3-saves and a respectable 3.96 ERA but in reality his 97 BB to 150K’s makes that deceiving for a guy that is used one-inning at a time and has seen some time in extended blow out losses over the years.

He was said to be sorry and hoping that Bobby Cox and GM Frank Wren would grant him another chance, maybe sensing that it was questionable if they would.  No worries Jeff, the league has seen your kind before and you’ll get another shot if not in the ATL somewhere else.  How else do explain Chris Reitsma’s horrible career???

Freak, child molester and general train wreck: Jacko.

Elvis will always be the king and he never touched little boys unlike MJ…

Chad OchoCinco is typical in what is wrong with America in mourning Wacko Jacko…

Seriously people, get over it sooner than later.

by Mike Zimmer

I’m as forgiving as the next guy, but there are some things that are almost never something that can be let go or forgiven.  Michael Jackson is dead, and that’s sad because once upon a time he was a superior entertainer and cultural icon.

However, what stands out to me is, he’s been a complete train wreck and freak who touched little boys.  Now that he is dead, he can no longer molest the children he has or hold them hostage in his creepy wacked out world.  Michael Jackson hasn’t been the Michael Jackson we all knew as kids and whether we admitted it or not enjoyed his music.  He hasn’t been a serious star in a looooooong time and he’s been more of a joke than an icon.  His reputation as being nuts and fondling little boys and plying them with ‘Jesus Juice’ really kind of made me immune from feeling sad or even remotely taken aback at his death.  to be honest it’s more tragic that Farrah Fawcett lost a courageous battle with cancer which she was agonizingly sharing with the world.  Not overly-self medicating and dying from self inflicted malaise that was complete and total mental break down that could have been avoided.

Seriously, my sisters loved him and anyone from my era knows how freakin’ huge this guy was.  But in the end, it has not phased me in the least that he’s kicked the bucket.  In a way, it’s a release:  for him, for those poor kids and the circus that surrounded him and his family.

However, there are those out there that don’t exactly feel the same.  There are some out there that are absolutely crushed by this like a beloved member of the family dying.  Or as if Elvis had died.  Trust me, that was sad, MJ just isn’t.

Yeah 8-5, MJ kicking the bucket is just as bad as 9/11 you fucktard.

Chad Ochostinko said on twitter…tweeted…twitted….whatever, I don’t “tweet” that quote:

Okay, first Mrs. Fawcett now Mr. Jackson, please tell me that this is a mistaken rumor, if not this is just as sad as 9/11 

Despite back tracking some on late tweeterings, the cat was out of the bag and you can’t really take back an absolute asinine thoughts.  Chad, you’re a moron and there may be no fixing that, but Jesus Christ man, that’s weak.

And here lies the problem with America in general.  If Chad Ochostinko and the rest of the world are falling over themselves about a child molester and absolute whack job who was horribly flawed, they probably do indeed feel it was as bad as 9/11.  That’s sad commentary on America and why we’re in the precarious spot we currently find ourselves in at this point in history.

Jesus Christ this has had me just…annoyed.

I mean, are we one day going to cry over OJ???  I mean, he was an absolute wizard on the football field, magical at his craft, brilliant in front of a camera and an icon of an era in pop-culture until that whole little thing where he nearly cut his ex-wife’s head off in killing her and her lover and then that whole kidnapping thing.  I guess I forgive him and will miss him the day he’s shanked in prison by “the real killer”.

One of the most classic posters of all time, Farrah Fawcett in her 70’s glory.

Farrah Fawcett dies after long battle with, I’m not kidding or trying to be mean, Anal Cancer…

And an earlier week over-sight when legendary side-kick and Star Search host Ed McMahon passed at age 86.

by Mike Zimmer, Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s bloggy!!!

News today includes that passing of an iconic sex symbol and perhaps all-time piece of hot ass as Farrah Fawcett has passed after a lengthy battle with cancer at age 62.  Earlier this week I also failed to mention the passing of Johnny Carson’s side-kick, all-time pitch man and host of Star Search Ed McMahon at age 86.

Fawcett was a 70’s sex symbol and up until her last 10-or so years had really stayed hot despite being well past the prime of sexyness in her 50’s.  Fawcett even posed for Playboy not all that long ago and still looked damn fine for an old bird.  Proof possitive that old chicks can still be hot if they take care of themselves, take the time to try and give a damn.

It’s entirely possible in this day and age that even Grandpa (those of you that still have them around) was hot for Farrah, that’s how long she’s been around and hot.  I remember from my earlier years that those posters (like the one seen above) were a staple of any manly garage, bedroom of an older male friend or family member and manly places everywhere.  And why not?  It’s still pretty damn hot today.

Over at www.barstoolsports.comthey ran a spread of her all-time works in pictures.  And let me tell ya, it was the definitive Farrah Fawcett collection of pics perhaps of all time, posted on a blog site.  Check it out: http://boston.barstoolsports.com/hot-gallery/wake-up-with-farrah-fawcett/

I do have to say, that her death sounded particularly awful.  I had long thought she was fighting some kind of women cancer of the womanly parts.  She’s been sick a long time and such diseases of the womanly parts can take a long time in killing those afflicted.  However, I had never really heard or cared to know the fact that she was dying from another somewhat horrid sounding affliction. 

Farrah Fawcett apparently died of Anal Cancer.  No, I’m not making that up. http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=416214&GT1=28103.  All cancer sounds awful, that just sounds HORRIBLE.  Rest In Peace you goofy old formerly hot broad.

McMahon is probably sitting next to Johnny Carson in TV heaven right now.

Legendary Ed McMahon passed earlier this week at 86.  McMahon was best known as Johnny Carson’s side-kick on the Tonight Show, staring that gig in 1962 until the end of Carson’s run in the early 90’s.

However, McMahon was a decorated World War II veteran, a Korean War veteran as well as having been successful as a pitch man and host.

Perhaps one of my favorites was that horrible 80’s talent show disaster ‘Star Search’ in which he was the host and delivered just as many memorable quips from as he did on the Tonight Show.  As a kid, when starved for TV, sometimes you just had to watch ‘Star Search’ because at my Grand Mother’s, she didn’t have cable and the ABC signal came in strongest when we were there on the weekends.  Of course I always lamented that he never showed up at our door with one of those big ass checks from Publisher’s Clearing House but I digress.

McMahon made a lot of news of late after being broke despite years and years of fantastic income.  Most of that was attributed to his spending silly wife and his overly generous nature as he helped out and gave away money to people with regularity it seems (hey another guy I mentioned this week had the same problem).  Rest in peace Mr. McMahon for being perhaps the most American of us all, making a living at something as crazily simple as being an even more popular’s side-kick and selling out as a pitch man for everything from Budweiser to Cash for Gold.

Just what King James needs, an annoying playmate well past his prime to mug with and look silly.

Cavs trade 3 to Phoenix to get aging buffoon Shaquille O’Neill…

Lebron gets his “big man” and we’ll see how this turns out…in defeat again…

Cleveland will lead the league in annoying and over-hype if not wins and harware come the end of the season.

by Mike Zimmer, On Assignment

Dear God, I am becoming a rather annoyed sports fan!  It annoys me that Cleveland has acquired Shaq to help King James try and win a trophy.  Let’s just see how that all works out, my bet it won’t actually come close to happening.

I’m not going to pretend to know what the Cavs gave away in the trade or say it was lopsided or they over-paid or what have you.  I just don’t know anymore when it comes to the crapdome that is the Association.  However, I do know that what they got in return for 3-players including Big Bad Ben Wallace is an over-weight, over-the-hill, over-the-top, overly hyped Shaq. http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news;_ylt=AkQtaA.PAjIKCtnq090jJaC8vLYF?slug=aw-shaq062409&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

This isn’t getting Shaq about 10-years ago when he went to the Lakers.  This is getting 49-year old, 425lbs Shaq who does more mumbling and laughing in monotone about basketball than he actually plays and even then it’s not that great a level of play any more.  The Cavs got Shaq because Lebron wanted Shaq and thinks he can do what Kazam did for Kobe a long time ago and that was win a trophy.

How desperate are Lebron and the Cavs to try and think this guy is the answer?

What you can expect from Shaq while in Cleveland:
1. Missing 30-50-games with any given malady from a bad toe to really bad gas.
2. Showing up late, over-weight and out of shape leading to #1.
3. A few brief glimpses of his old self in which the media will fall all over him and the rest of King James team
4. Being Lebron’s play time pal and adding to the annoying that is the Cavs mugging and joking while slogging it out in the East.

I will dare say that this will have almost zero effect on the Cavs fortunes when it’s all said and done.  Seriously, this team will never win a championship in Cleveland and King James is desperate if he thinks this is the final link to them being a true championship caliber team.  Shaq will be the same broken down, poor shooting and lazy ball player he’s been the last few seasons and even with Lebron dragging the team kicking and screaming they’ll more than likely still flame out of the play-offs either sooner than the finals or in them.

One thing that is sure, the Cavs will lead the league in annoying now.  Not only do will they have all that same stupid bunch of camera mugging and the King Chalk Dust act, they’ll have all sorts of witty banter of Shaq and the enamored C-Town media too.  He’ll bring all sorts of “fun” to the team and add to what is already an annoyingly unsuccessful bunch of braggarts.  It should be down right insufferable.

“Tee Hee!!!  We won!!!”

USA Soccer beats Spain in some cup no one cares about, now the media will play this up like the “miracle on ice”…

Spain are a bunch of sore loser assholes in defeat…

Who else out there doesn’t want the USA to be good at soccer???

by Mike Zimmer, Man United tolerator

For the love of God, why did this have to happen?  Seriously, why did the USA have to beat Spain in some silly cup that no one cares about?  Because now, it’ll be all the media can do to fall all over themselves and this team and we won’t hear the end of it in the desperate attempt by some to try and make us care about soccer in the USA.

Soon enough, you’ll be hearing about how this is the best international sporting win by a USA team since the ‘Miracle on ice’ by the 1980 US Hockey team.  They’ll be touting how the USA has arrived in international soccer and this is one of the most important steps in the history of the game for America.  They’ll go on and on about how passionate and colorful their game was and how wonderful a thing this was that they beat big bad international power Spain 2-0.

One of the many things most of us have against soccer: men stripping off their clothes and gaying it up like a bunch of 9-year old girls.

Sure enough, you watch: the media will be on this like flies on shit.  Especially the World Wide Bore Leader (ESPN) who will trumpet this and the coming US games as a team of some sort of destiny and something to behold.  Particularly because they also televise all of their games etc.  The coming World Cup in 2010 is also something that will be touted and made out to be some huge deal for the USA as a potential contender to win it all.

Bullshit.  Absolute hogwash.  The USA won a flukey game.  They were a fluke even getting into the game to play Spain let alone beat them.  Seriously, did you see how this all happened in the first place?

The US got blasted by Italy and then lost to Brazil.  So, on the final day of the event they had to beat Egypt by 3 or more goals and have Italy lose to Brazil by 3 or more goals.  And by some absolute fluke, that very thing happened in stunning, style.  That’s how fucked up soccer is, that’s how screwy a stroke of luck this all was and seriously it’s no miracle, just dumb luck.  The US beat Egypt…a real…powerhouse huh?  Like my friend Jerry says about Egyptians, if they can’t eat it or if they can’t fuck it, they’ll break it or they’ll lose it.  Guess what happened?

Ugh.  Why must all footy players gay it up (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?

Of course Spain, who are noble ambassadors to the world with all of their culture, history, rampant racism and abhorrent indifference to anything productive have been far from gracious losers.

In their loss, they’re more or less calling a spade a spade and that 9 out of 10-times they’d beat the USA and that this was nothing to read into very much.  Of course, they were all crying at the post-game presser and the event is being treated like a national tragedy, but it’s nothing to worry about http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news;_ylt=AjDjrd0QrH9Fb1QRpkA6jGsmw7YF?slug=ap-confedcup-spain&prov=ap&type=lgns.

You know, if the USA was going to beat someone and make them look bad, I’m glad it was against Spain.  I hate the Spaniards and their pompousness and the fact that they are great at soccer should make you want to hate them too.  You know what, Spain is right, this was an absolute fluke for them to lose to the USA but you don’t say that in defeat.  You don’t say all that bullshit about 9 of 10 times they’d win, because frankly, you didn’t win when it mattered and that’s all that needs to be said.  No, in losing to a fluke like this, you acknowledge exactly what happened: you weren’t prepared to play a team you took rather lightly and you lost.  No excuses, no chest pounding proclamations about what y0u’d do the next 9-times you played them, none of that horse pucky.  You lose with some remaining dignity and don’t look and sound like chumps.

Suck it Spain.

I just have to think though, that is indeed a national accident we now have to deal with in the US.  Seriously, I don’t want the USA to be good at soccer, I just don’t.  Is there anyone out there that feels the same way I do on this matter?  Look, I accept and tolerate soccer in the country I now live in as something I have to deal with and get over.  I tolerate it because it’s in it’s element and it has it’s place…IN EUROPE.  I follow it so that I don’t sound like a schmuck and can carry on a conversation with the locals and also for something else to watch when the soul crushing loneliness of living in that God forsaken country gets me down.

I just don’t think this is a good thing for American sports fans.  And I know there are others out there with me.  Even more I would say, even if they do root for the USA that don’t believe this was anything other than a good win.  Go to Yahoo Sports page and see for yourself.  Of the people polled a whopping 72% think this was none other than a good win and had no impact on the USA’s world cup asperations versus being a World Cup Contender or possible title worthy team.

Ugh.  Just think guys, FOOTBALL, the great American equalizer and newly world dominating sport is only a month away!!!  And ESPN will have to stop talking about stuff like this that we don’t give a rats ass about.

Larry shows that Aunt Sara cared enough to provide us with a venue for an interesting night out at the ball game.

The Italian Donkeys hosted a fantastic pair of events for International Kegerator Baseball League owners and Yours Truly during a visit to Cincinnati…

Aunt Sara provided the duckets including Tuesday night’s rain soaked game with the Cincinnati Reds hosting the Atlanta Braves in a private suite…

Preferable treatment to Lar in all further TWIKB’s has now firmly been established.

by Mike Zimmer, UK Native Americans Owner

As I stood in a Columbus area Best Buy last Tuesday afternoon, I got an unexpected call from Marty down in Cincinnati.  Due to a screw up and some dumb luck, the tickets to Aunt Sara’s luxury box suite down at Great American Ball Park had fallen into the lap of the Italian Donkeys owners lap.  And of course I would drop what I was doing and bust ass down to Cincinnati after the special invitation.  No matter if it was a day earlier than I had expected to go down and see my Braves take on the Reds the answer I had for Marty after the invitation was that I’d go from Columbus to Tipp City to Cincinnati in a matter of 3-hours to join him for the game.  After All, that did sound a whole lot better than the one I had to come down Wednesday and pay $5 for a walk up seat (which I did anyways).

Trust me, it doesn’t do it complete justice.  What a great time and how cool are these pics?

View from the marble top bar seats in the Air Conditioned box.

While there had been a hint and hope that Lar could snag Aunt Sara’s luxury suite, those plans had been dashed prior to my trip across the pond.  However, Lar had snagged Ms. Lee’s box seats in the Scout section for Thursday’s afternoon affair.  So the surprise arrival of three duckets on Larry’s desk was something extra special for the trip, the baseball and free ticket God’s smiling on me and giving me good fortune during this Summer Session visiting the states.  Never before had Marty seen anything like it when it came to such a blessing of good seats for free, especially when the suite costs Aunt Sara about $5K a game to host.

Plush seating, a mini-bar well stocked and a waitress to boot if we had wanted anything.  As you can see, there was plenty on the TV and multiple options and views to be seen of the game action via an in-suite computer.

The mini-bar gave up Lar his typical Budweiser, Heineken for his buddy Scott and an Amstel Light for Yours Truly.  However due to some goofy par system we weren’t sure how much it was all costing us nor how much of it was going to be available.  And, to no surprise the amenities in the suite were exclusive to the suite.  No grabbing a cheapy dog out at a concession stand and bringing it in.

To be honest with you, the game was almost secondary to the experience that night.  Despite the fact that my beloved Atlanta Braves were in town and we had the premium setting for watching the game, it fell behind the fact that we were sitting in an air-conditioned area and soaking up the lime light of the high rent district.  However, it wasn’t looking as if we were going to get much use of the suite at all when the gathering storm clouds gathered southwest of the stadium and were blowing in an ill-wind.

According to DonkuWeather Doppler, a rather nasty storm was heading our way and the game was in doubt.  And our awesome experience in the luxury box was in jeopardy of being rather short.  Plus, our collective stomach’s were barking and food was needed.  However after looking at the in-suite catering prices ($65 for a coney bar or $55 for pizza) and not sure how much we’d racked up in the beer department we made the wise decision to bust down to The Machine Room to feed our faces before the rains came.

Our second inning view of the game action from The Machine Room prior to the rains coming.

And were we lucky.  The rains did come and in a big way.  We’d already ordered our food and gotten a primo seat too, just in time to enjoy our food, drink some Christian Morlein and then laugh as a monsoon engulfed the stadium.

Not just rain fell, not just a storm came, but the hardest rain I’ve ever seen fall on a stadium complete with Gail force winds that scattered everybody for cover.  Including the poor suckers on the outside patio from our seats.  The wind and rain picked up food, chairs and hats and blew it all over the place.  It was coming down so hard that you could not see the other side of the stadium, the water arriving in sheets and near tornado like winds blowing.

Photo Op during the rain.  Lar’s buddy and I outside The Machine Room.

Thus began our wait.  A little over 2-hours in fact.  So long in fact that our suite sharing clan of 8-kids and two adults came to an end early as the weather had set in and water gathered in the outfield warning track.  With their departure it was just the three of us left to watch the replay of Pete Rose’s 4192-game on the jumbo tron in almost it’s entirety.  In fact, they should have left it on instead of trying to jump start the game even while the rain continued to fall.  In one of the more amazing things I’ve ever seen, it continued to pour even as they pulled the tarp up and resumed play for half an inning.

Rain Delay.

At around 10 o’clock the game finally resumed.  Both Marty and I lost our starters for the game and the points that went with them too as both Jair Jurrjens and Aaron Harrang were lost after the long delay.  And as it worked out, that was a big old (-5) for my team because Jurrjens took the loss after allowing a first inning run and the Reds managed to make it stand up in their 7-2 triumph at the end of the night.

A few beers in us and actually getting to enjoy the game, we still found time for a picture.

In the end, beers were drank, peanuts were consumed and a great time was had by all.  The only trepidation being Lar’s credit card for the suite which had a mysterious open ended bill at the evening’s conclusion.  Due to the goofy way that the Reds inventory the luxury boxes mini-fridge, there wasn’t a given amount set for what we consumed.  Instead of things being by the beer, it was by the brand and to the pars that had been set at the beginning of the night.  And trust me, re-stocking a 6-pack of Budweiser 12oz cans was mentioned at $36.  Thus, when the Reds contacted Lar on Wednesday, they at first said that he owed $219 until by the good graces of someone who was paying attention to the math decided that was wrong and it was considerably less when it was all said and done.  Lesson’s learned: like at a fancy hotel, don’t use the mini-bar.

Big Thanks goes out to Lar who now has pretty much locked down any and all favorable coverage from now on when it comes to TWIKB or any other article ever written on this site.  And the fun wasn’t over at all either as we’d meet up and have 1/3rd of the league present for a quasi-owners meeting on Thursday afternoon.  I’ll have the story on that come tomorrow in my TWIKB that will cover the 1/3rd owners meeting that went on as we sat caddy corner to home plate close enough to smell the pine tar on the bats.

Odd duck Bernie goes belly up as pretty much anything to do with his finances has gone bad for him recently.

Former Clowns QB Bernie Kosar files for bankruptcy protection with major debts mounting…

Former Bungles WR Peter Warrick saved the money he stole from Cincinnati during his bust of a career but still wants to play…

And to no ones surprise Andre Hippopatasmith will more than likely hold out and potentially hurry his status as just the latest bust in Cincinnati.

by Mike Zimmer, Falcons fan

As much as I hated Bernie Kosar as a player during both his college and professional career, all I’ve ever heard about the side winding goofy looking former Clowns QB was that he is a good guy with a big heart.  While he still looks and sounds odd to me (think Horshack and Vinny from Welcome Back Kotter mated), apparently he’s been a pretty good dude in his post-NFL career.

However, being a good guy and loaning former teammates money as well as trying to do more in his former Cleveland home has added to his financial ruin.  Kosar filed for bankruptcy protection and has a HUGE amount of debt to try and get out from underneath of.

According to a report on Yahoo.com, Kosar owes the Cleveland Browns about $1.5-million dollars.  And that’s just the beginning of his woes.  Kosar is now divorced and owes his ex-wife nearly $3-million dollars. His outlook is pretty lousy outlook with pretty much everything he’s tried to invest and manage has gone tits up.  His steak house is out of business, his stake in the AFL’s Cleveland Gladiators is behind $975K and the league itself is currently out of business.  And his assets of between $1-million and $10-million dollars won’t quite help him out when you consider he has liabilities between $10-to-$50-million after bad real estate deals of around $9-million.

Peter Warrick drops a pass during his disappointing career with the Cincinnati Bungles.

Meanwhile, apparently still doing financially well, Peter Warrick is apparently delusional.  He still wants to play in the NFL and thinks he can play in the slot for the Chicago Bears after he’s more or less been out of the NFL since 2005 and not even the CFL’s Montreal Allouettes wanted him after they signed him only to find his knee pretty pathetic.

Warrick who is playing in a second tier indoor football league in Illinois, doesn’t cash his game checks for $200 each or $250 if they win.  And he’s been saying he’d be a perfect addition to A Devon Hester/Plaxico Burress 3 WR set.    http://www.profootballtalk.com/2009/06/21/peter-warrick-wants-to-play-in-the-nfl-again/

Warrick was a glorified kick and punt returner during his days in Cincinnati after they drafted him to be their premier WR back in the Bruce Coslet days.  Warrick was often gimpy and never a good WR most of his time in the league.  He was fast and illusive but he wasn’t worth a damn for more than a few catches, perhaps a reverse or screen or on special teams.

It is good to see that P-Dub is still smoking the wacky weed to be thinking he can still cut it in the league though.  And I’m sure that indoor league is happy he’s not cashing those checks as they need that money for rent on their storage shed.

Andre Hippopatasmith before his jaunt to show off the tummy monster within.

Also on www.profootballtalk.comwas an article talking about how Bungles first round draft pick Andre Hippopatasmith is almost assured to be a hold out as the NFL season starts to crank up next month.

The article chronicles the facts taken from another source about all the Bungles hold outs over time and it’s a long and lengthy list http://www.profootballtalk.com/2009/06/21/bengals-expected-andre-smith-holdout/.  That to me isn’t much news.  Hippopatasmith has shown again and again that he’s not very trust worthy and a bit of a shyster.  He’ll surly hold the Bungles hostage and that’ll probably carry right on through training camp and he’ll likely have to start the season on the bench.  More, he’ll likely never see the left side of the offensive line for which the Bungles initially sold the idea of drafting him for. 

Speaking of the Bungles, am I just so jaded and sour about my former favorite team to think that all that sunshine, smiles and good vibes coming out of the Queen City during the off-season and mini-camp is a really nasty mirrage?  Or, could it be that the team is capable of a 1988-type turn around?  I’m still not buying it though because it just seems like another thinly veiled Mikey Boy Brown fairytale.

The Chrysler Shitbring…er…Sebring.  Rated worst used car.

If the US car market is ever to come back or compete in the future, it might be to their advantage to build a few cars that are reliable when bought at resale…

Meanwhile, it’s not such a surprise that foreign models from Japan are the leading used models…

Good news for Brew though: Ford Mustang made the “good” list.

by Mike Zimmer, Petrolhead

According to MSN.com in an article on cars, of the worst rated used cars, American models dominate the list.  Conversely, the most reliable and best rated almost always come from Asia.

In the article http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content_landing_pages/1006/used-car-lemons-and-lemonade/;_ylc=X3oDMTE3N2Y4YmM3BF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwLXRvZGF5BHNsawN1c2VkLWxlbW9ucw– (which MSN is great at posting and usually horribly lacking in any real substance in, kind of like cotton candy for your reading pleasure), Two Chrysler products and a pair of duds from GM top the list. 

It’s not such a surprise that Chrysler has gone belly up with horrible cars for the most part and a brand that even German Daimler Mercedes walked away from because they saw it too hard to fix.  The brands of Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep have all sorts of problems in their brand names and cars up and down every year.  Sprinkled in are some durable automobiles but for the most part, the Chrysler brand has sucked for a while.  Complete cathedrals to plastic and looking as if they were put together from parts all derived from the lowest bidder, it is no wonder they bit it.  Hopefully for a lot of people who rely on the car industry for their employment will  be rewarded in the near future with Fiat’s bailing out the flagging #3 with better cars soon.

Meanwhile, GM did no better.  On the list was a car regarded as perhaps the “worst car of all time” let alone one of the worst used cars.  The Pontiac Aztek was the champion of horrible car designs and horribly misguided concepts.  Ugly, underpowered and completely unmarketable it was a grand failure that more or less has exemplified GM’s last decade of cars.  Seriously, what were they thinking when they made that awful thing and other flops like that car/truck thing that was all retro and those miserable little cars that used to be Metro’s???

Imports meanwhile like the Honda Accord and Civic as always are perhaps the best cars from top to bottom and people know that.  Even if a Honda is perhaps kind of blah in the looks department, one knows that no matter how ugly it will get nearly 40 mpg and can be driven half a million miles before it finally falls apart.  Honda though isn’t building just ugly little cars these days either, I’d dare say that they are winning the battle of style too compared to some of the garbage coming out of Detroit.

Surprisingly, Ford Mustang remains a solid buy.  And this should make Brew happy as he recently bought a used Mustang after he’d driven his Honda Civic 975,000-miles even with a caved in passenger door and having never cleaned the interior.  While my wife had a Mustang and I hated it for various reasons (under powered, overly plastic cheapness feel inside, awful driver position and horribly uncomfortable to ride in) it was a reliable car.  Up until she sold it, after buying it new, it never once had even a hint of mechanical issues.  It never even had need for a tune up let alone had to have a fuel pump replaced, or ate brakes like even my brilliant Chevy Silverado has endured.

Hopefully in the future we’ll not be talking about the Buick Obama Coupe or the Chrysler Spaghetti Roadster topping the list of awful used cars let alone monumental failures.  Perhaps American car companies will finally get it and deliver what people want in cars.  Good looking, powerful machines that get good to decent gas mileage and make them either enjoy driving or never have to worry about it over the long haul.

Seriously, What The Fuck?!?!?!?!?!

Woman wakes up with 56 stars on her face after apparently asking for 3…

Whether or not she actually asked for them all is up for debate though…

The real question is who the fuck lets that freak pictured up top ink them up in the first place???

by Mike Zimmer, I’m Back Baby!!!

Bad Ink is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to post.  There is no lack of material for one thing and there is also no lack of willing stupid people to add permanent ink to their bodies in horrible ways.

Oh those are “pretty”.

The latest incredibly stupid person is this chick from Holland.  She’s suing the tattooist that did this number pictured above all over her face.  Instead of a reported 3 stars she asked for on her forehead, she awoke to have 56 stars.  And as you can see, they’re…well…soooooo…pretty. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31400926/ns/world_news-weird_news/?GT1=43001

Apparently this might also be a case of someone that asked for something, she saw how awful it looked and then her parents went ape shit after seeing it and now she wants criminal charges made.

What is criminal though is the way that the freak that inked her up looks.  Seriously, how do you go around thinking that is something that looks good?  All I know is, it looks ridiculous and is REALLY Bad Ink.